In this final chapter I discuss the struggles and challenges I have faced during my journey on the healthy life plan and my seemingly never-ending long Covid recovery, and what I have done to work through them. I will also discuss accomplishments and other notes of interest, at least of interest to me, along the way. This is in chronological order from the start of my healthy life journey through reaching my goal and will cover a fairly long expanse of time—about a year and a half is my estimate. Usually the healthy life plan seems so easy, at other times it is a bit challenging and trying to make permanent lifestyle changes can at times feel difficult, occasionally a little overwhelming. I will try to jot down what I do that helps, and maybe what doesn’t help, as well. It is important to remember that this is not a race. There is no pressure to do this as quickly as possible. Fast weight loss in my past was always regained. My new mantra: yo-yo is a no no. None of us woke up one day suddenly severely overweight, and we will not wake up one day and find that we are suddenly thin. There will be gradual, healthy, deliberate weight loss as we develop healthful eating patterns and trade in our couch potato lifestyle for one that is rich and full of activity.
When the challenges mount, I am reminded that we are much more capable than we think we are. Austrian psychiatrist and neurologist Dr. Viktor Frankl discovered that we can survive greater privation than he ever thought possible. He said this after enduring years of inhumane treatment in Nazi concentration camps. He was a Holocaust survivor who continued his meaningful work after being liberated from Auschwitz in 1945. In his book Man’s Search for Meaning, he said one thing that enabled him to survive unimaginable suffering was that he visualized himself in the future “giving a lecture on the psychology of the concentration camp.” He said he was able to rise “above the situation” and he “observed them as if they were already of the past.” What a remarkable spirit. We can learn much from his example.
First month:
So far, the most difficult part of the healthy life plan has been the total exhaustion I experience from food preparation. I still get short of breath and deal with long Covid’s debilitating fatigue. Spending an hour preparing meals shouldn’t thrash me, but it does. It takes every bit of strength I have for the day. I have to remind myself that I am accomplishing so much more now than I have since before I got Covid, but recovery is so slow and improvements have been such teeny tiny baby steps. Sometimes I take a step or two forward only to have to take two or three steps backward the next day. I have to look at the bigger picture and try to focus on the fact that I am doing much better than I was ten months ago, but ten months is a long time! Many people have no idea how bad, how absolutely devastating this long Covid, or post-Covid syndrome, can be. There are times when I feel so defeated. We all need oxygen to live. If you are not getting enough to function optimally, you are going to have problems. Becoming short of breath is also a scary feeling. I become pale, I have to sit down and rest, and it can take quite a long time to feel better. I’m not talking minutes here, I am talking several hours or even days before I return to my new normal—which is not normal at all. I have to pace myself but that is easier said than done.
* * *
On a more positive note, a quick shout-out to the stores that provide a pick-up option. I am so thankful for you! That I can order my groceries and other necessities from my computer and just go pick them up has been so helpful to me during my recovery. It helps reduce part of my stress and offers assistance to me when I am already doing the best I can do. I am grateful for this service. Some stores do not charge higher prices for this, and they even bring the items to your car for you. I have two personal favorites: Sprouts and Sam’s Club. They have made not only the pandemic easier to deal with, but also recovery from long Covid more doable, and they do it with a friendly smile. It is so helpful to be able to get healthy, fresh food, and that makes a real difference in my recovery. I am grateful to the stores that provide this service and especially to those that have helped keep this service affordable. Thank you so much!
* * *
It is a struggle to get out much these days—germ carriers are everywhere! The germ carrier comments are obviously said in jest. I actually love people, but as I mentioned before, I am a germophobe so I’m loving them from a distance for now. But for improved mental health I believe that I need to make more of an effort to get outdoors more often, even if it is just for a few minutes each day. I never go in stores. I don’t do any of the things that I used to do pre-COVID. I am fully vaccinated, and I also have antibodies from having had the dreaded C-19. I see many people who have been vaccinated living close to normal-ish lives again, and I am happy for them, but there are breakthrough cases, and I don’t want to be one of those. I think once I feel back to normal again, fully recovered, and at my normal weight, it will be easier to take the steps necessary to move forward socially, but for now, I am just going to focus on my recovery and my healthy life plan. I do have a tentative goal of going to Disneyland for my birthday, but that is not set in stone and hinges on no Covid surges at the time and being within close proximity of my healthy weight range. It is possible we will celebrate my birthday in the fall, which is totally fine, too. It can be a big celebration combination of achieving my health goals and being here to celebrate another birthday!
* * *
I mentioned before that my hair fell out by the handful for about six months or so, then the tiny, fine baby hairs growing back in became more visible. Now I see that the new hairs are about three to four inches long, which represents approximately six to eight months of growth—that sounds about right. My hair is looking almost normal again. One or two more short cuts ought to help even it out a bit better. I am so glad I’m not going to be bald! For a while it looked like that may be the case. I suffered quite a bit of hair loss, or hair shedding. One woman posted pictures on social media of her long Covid hair shedding in the shower, clumps of hair clinging to the walls…looked just like mine. If you are having a similar experience as a result of Covid, try to relax. It doesn’t last forever; it just feels like it does. It should eventually grow back in. Some medical researchers said they believe it may have something to do with the added stress of Covid, but more studies will need to be conducted. I don’t know, but it figures.
Food and water taste normal to me again, and things smell normal, too. Seeing how many of the symptoms that I had before have now returned to normal gives me great hope that the light-headed, dizzy feeling I sometimes get and my lower than normal oxygen saturation levels will continue to improve and return to normal eventually, as well. And with that, the return to normal of my cognitive functions. That would be huge! Most people can’t tell any difference, unless you know me well, but I can tell the difference and it is disturbing. For example, in the past, I could work many mathematical problems in my head. Not even close to that now. Also, I lose my train of thought more easily now. There are definitely areas of concern with my memory, too. And multitasking, forget about it. Now I am lucky to concentrate on a single task. The name used for the cognitive impairment that came as an uninvited guest along with Covid, brain fog, implies that it is temporary because fog eventually lifts. This is the thought that I hold on to. Again, I have a way to go to get back to my normal, but I have made significant progress overall in the months that I have been out of the hospital.
Check-in 1: It is now November 9, 2021. Tomorrow was going to be my official weigh-in day, but I was so excited and impatient and wanted to do it today instead. I try to tell myself yes as often as possible nowadays, so today it is. How’s that for flexibility? After nearly a month of using my new Healthy Life Plan, I have lost…drum roll please…10.2 pounds! That is fabulous news! I am so excited! I have worked diligently to try to figure out solutions to my stress eating and other overeating problems. I discovered that a lot of the overeating is habitual. As I start to reach for a snack to nibble while I am working, I catch myself midair and say to myself Think! By stopping and thinking about why I am grabbing a snack when I am not hungry, I am helping to break that habit. This appears to be one of my biggest challenges. I am feeling a bit better about my relationship with food, and it has been a relatively easy month.
Writing this book has been motivating and therapeutic. It has helped me enormously. I put it in writing, right here in black and white, that I would be successful when I first started this plan, so that means it must be true! It is up to me to ensure that it is true. I encourage everyone to take up a new activity that perhaps you have always wanted to try or get back into a previous one that you enjoyed. Find a constructive or positive activity that will occupy your mind when “thoughts of sugarplums dance through your head.” If there is an activity that encourages overeating, like watching television for instance, perhaps think of other things you would like to do instead, or maybe cut that time in half, or substitute healthful snacks during couch potato time.
People may get tired of having veggie sticks and ranch or yogurt dip all the time, but there are so many healthful alternatives. Air popped popcorn is a fun snack for movie watching and it is a high-fiber whole grain. Another option is almond butter and apple slices, or a serving of nuts, or a small fruit and cheese plate. And remember to stay hydrated. Have a nice glass of water with lemon slices or your favorite sparkling mineral water at hand. If I still want a “chip” type snack, I recently bought small bags of Pirate’s Booty for those times when I want a crunchy snack. They are portable, only 70 calories each and they take away that craving for salty crunchiness without having to eat an entire big bag of a high-fat, high calorie snack food. There have even been advertising taglines that admit the addictive qualities of their chips, such as nobody can eat just one. While statements such as this may be a great disclaimer for the product, a proverbial warning so to speak, I do not desire to eat anything that will entice me to eat the entire bag! I try to avoid that type of snacking altogether, but let’s face it, it may happen from time to time, so I am prepared by having alternatives ready to go.
Second month:
Writing has also helped me to take a closer look at my life, my choices, goals that I have accomplished, and goals yet to be realized. I have tried to do as the wonderful researcher/storyteller Dr. Brené Brown says and be more vulnerable. By the way, if you haven’t read any of her books, I highly recommend Daring Greatly, or any of her works. I love her! She says she is an introvert, too, but she’s the kind that doesn’t show on the outside. My kind shows. She seems like the type of person that after you meet her for a few minutes you want to invite her to your next barbeque that you weren’t even planning to have until you met her! If you have maybe been out of the loop for a while (I wanted to say living under a rock for the last decade, but thought I’d clean it up a bit and be nice), check out her inspirational TED Talks. I am being more vulnerable, stripping most everything in my life down to the core and sharing it with anyone who wants to read about it in the hopes that a person struggling, maybe similarly to me with my food issues or with long Covid, might benefit from it, and that it might help me to learn more about why it is that I do what I do.
And speaking of introverts, I just have to say that the best book I have ever read that helped me understand more about myself as an introvert, is Susan Cain’s masterpiece Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking. If you tend to be more of an introvert or are closely involved with someone who is, you must read this book! It may seem as if I think the personality trait of introversion is a negative trait, I don’t, it is just a bit more difficult to be introverted rather than extroverted. I think of introversion/extroversion as a sliding scale that people are on in varying degrees. I know that I am more of an introvert. Since more people tend to be extroverts than introverts, and they are oftentimes more outgoing and vocal, introverts can be overlooked and can struggle to get their message heard. But that does not mean that we don’t have a message, often an important, insightful message worth listening to.
* * *
It is almost Thanksgiving, and I am not worrying about it at all. I am just going to have a reasonable amount of healthy dishes and about ¼ slice of pie and be done with it. I like the feeling of not being stuffed, pun intended. We shouldn’t eat to be full; we need to eat just till we are satisfied, then stop. There will be no denying myself and then obsessing over things I didn’t get to have. No feeling deprived in any way, and no feeling guilty—often a harmful emotion. As strange as it may sound, I think I finally have everyone around me understanding the importance of not discussing my food with me. It just doesn’t help at all to have those close to you commenting on your “diet” and how you shouldn’t be eating this or that. That is a disaster waiting to happen. I will seriously leave the room if any conversations start heading in that direction. But as I said, I’m not worrying a bit…well, I guess maybe I might be a tad, or I wouldn’t be thinking about it now! The actual meal itself is not bad, depending on what you do to fatten it up. Turkey and veggies and a sliver of a squash pie and there you go. No problem. I’ve got this.
* * *
It is helpful to me to periodically reread the basic healthy life plan from chapter one. That helps to cement it in my mind and fortify me. I am going to read it once every week or two as a friendly reminder now that the holidays are upon me.
* * *
MyFitnessPal helps to keep track of everything for me. It’s so great! I ran into a little glitch yesterday when I didn’t feel that great and apparently I didn’t eat enough. When I entered my daily log, it said that it wouldn’t generate a news feed for the day or give the five-week weight projection because I didn’t consume enough calories. Well! I’ll just take my toys and go home then! Then I thought about this some more and I guess I can see their point. I’m so much at the other end of this eating issue that I didn’t think about it from the other side. It is very important to get the nutrients and calories you need to live a healthy life. Not eating enough has never been my problem, but it is for many and I didn’t mean to discount the concerns of others and the very real issues they are dealing with. I’ll be a grown-up about it then and stop grumbling.
* * *
Today is Thanksgiving and I am happy to say that our feasting was fabulous. I had a light breakfast so I could enjoy my meal a bit more. I hate that overfull feeling—I don’t want to be stuffed like the bird! I had a reasonable plate, tried everything that I wanted to try. Passed on the rolls because, meh. We had pumpkin cheesecake for dessert. It was quite rich. I had 1/3 of a slice, and then ended up cutting that in two. After two small bites of it, I knew it wasn’t going to get any better and I was totally satisfied. To eat any more of it wouldn’t add to my enjoyment. I DO NOT EVER have to clean my plate again! This is an issue I am working on. As far as being wasteful, that bothers me a lot, so although I am not saying I have to clean my plate, I want to only take what I will want to eat so I’m not being wasteful and not getting waist-full. No one mentioned dieting or calories or anything, and that was a plus as well. I am thankful. I love my family. We had a great Thanksgiving!
* * *
Handling the leftovers may have been a bit more challenging than the holiday meal itself. I think maybe I did take larger portions than I calculated for. I’m an eyeballer and an estimator, and I’m pretty sure that I eyeballed and estimated larger portions for myself this time around! But as far as desserts go, I didn’t want anymore. Mashed potatoes are probably my favorite food of all time. The simple potato. Imagine that. They are the ultimate comfort food to me. I think that potatoes are healthy, and good thing, too, because we had a lot of them this year. Potatoes have been given a bad rap, but their high fiber content, their antioxidants and vitamins make them a healthful choice, even when losing weight, unless you underestimate your serving size like I did. I don’t know how much extra I had, but I’ll just say that I was overly generous with myself with the holiday leftovers…not looking for quite as much weight loss this time around. Most years I’m pretty sure I gained at least a pound or two during Thanksgiving so I’m still going to count this as a win.
* * *
One bad habit that I noticed starting to creep into my life lately is that I started not eating until late in the day and then had to eat a day’s worth of calories from 3:00 or 4:00 p.m. on. At first I thought it might be beneficial, kind of like the intermittent fasting so many are raving about, and since I didn’t feel hungry, what could it hurt? But after giving it some consideration, I think that I could cause my body to go into starvation mode and maybe hold onto the fat. I had breakfast today by noon, which is still a tad late, but it took me a long time to prepare. Not eating during the day increased my urge to snack in the evening, and that’s not what I want to do at all. Hopefully this will be an easy fix, and tomorrow I will have breakfast in the morning.
* * *
It has been nearly eight weeks since I started my healthy life plan, and I am amazed at how much better I feel already. My oxygen level is improving, which seems to help everything. I have had several 99 percent oxygen level readings the last couple of days! That has helped me to be able to get more things accomplished. It still drops when I overexert myself, but not as low as before. Overall, I am happy with my recent progress. I want to use my newfound energy to try to prepare several favorite dishes for the week. Better oxygen levels give me the energy to prepare healthy, nutritious meals, and nutritious meals help me feel energized and stay on my plan and lose weight, and losing weight helps me move more, and moving more helps my oxygen levels improve! The circle of my life!!
* * *
Last week my daughter brought me a container of mixed spicy nuts and little cracker type things that I enjoyed. I munched down a couple small handfuls and then thought I better check out the calories before going too deep into the container. Every little ¼ cup serving has a whopping 170 calories! What the heck! They were fairly addicting as well. I added this to MyFitnessPal’s daily diary, but I am sure that I had more than the single serving I admitted to. This is where my inaccurate estimator gets me in trouble. By yesterday half of the container was gone and it is still sitting on my desk, so I know it was all me. Yikes! I had to throw it away because it was too difficult to stop eating them, and to stop thinking about wanting to eat them. There is something in that spice that made me crave it. I have regular nuts and consider them a healthy snack that I will have from time to time. I also have crackers and other crunchy snacks if I want them. I don’t have difficulty with those items. There must be something in the seasoning that makes it so compelling. I was also consuming too much sodium as well, and it didn’t adhere to my nutritional desires in that it is not nutrient dense. While I enjoyed eating the product, it is not in my best interest, so it is out of here!
* * *
The United States has a consumer-driven economy. Billions of dollars are poured into advertising annually to ensure that consumers consume these products and that we consume them in large quantities. For instance, the nonessentials that we ingest like soda, chips, and candy, products that do not add to our nutritional needs in a positive way, are marketed to us at a cost of multi-billions of dollars every year. And we happily consume them because we think we like the taste, but is that really why we continue to waste our money and potentially damage our health? Advertising is powerful. Try this sometime when you are already eating or drinking one of these items mentioned, please DO NOT buy these items just to try this. For example, slowly taste the soda, allowing it to remain on your tongue while you think about it—really think it over. Do you enjoy the taste? I have tried this with several sodas and there is only one that I thought that maybe I wanted to drink it because I liked the taste of it, but the rest, not so much. The one that I thought perhaps I enjoyed the actual flavor, well, it wasn’t that great either. It was marginal at best and definitely not worth the calories. Maybe it is a combination of the effects of advertising and the addictiveness of sweeteners and caffeine that make it desirable. Chips seem to be enjoyable because of the saltiness and the crunchy texture, but they are also calories spent that do not promote our good health. There are many food items that are crunchy that you could have instead and reduce the calories, unhealthy fats, and excess sodium. Air popped popcorn is a tasty snack and you can control the amount of salt you add to it. You are already aware of my issues with candy, so I won’t rehash that, but few of them are fully taste driven. When we consume sugar our brains tell us we feel good. This is due to dopamine, the feel-good chemical, released by our brains, and that is why sugar can be so addicting.
The only times that I watch much commercial television is for sporting events and I often mute the commercials, but there was a series of commercials last baseball season that I found hilarious. Just to show the power of advertising, I am not a beer drinker. I have never enjoyed beer. I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner occasionally, but beer has never been my drink of choice. After watching very clever commercials on TV, day after day, I became curious about what the advertised product tasted like. Then my curiosity turned to desire to try one. I already knew I was probably not going to like it, but I liked the commercials. Maybe it really was as fun as the commercials made it out to be. I felt compelled to buy a six pack! It tasted basically very similar to every other beer I have ever tasted in my life, and I even knew better! Advertising is powerful and it works.
Driving the economy does not end here. Once we have consumed vast quantities of junk food and gained excess weight, we now have to lose the weight. Here is the real kicker—U.S. consumers spend a mind-boggling $78 billion per year on the diet industry, according to Business Wire. We spend billions of dollars to get fat and then we spend billions more to lose the fat. As we have already seen, diets don’t often work in the long run, so it is all an exercise in futility as our weight continues to increase and our health deteriorates. We are on a health destructive path without a reputable guide.
During the pandemic we quickly learned a great deal about essential and nonessential things. People who provide food are essential. People who provide health care services are essential. There are many essential workers throughout the country. There are other jobs that were deemed nonessential, which sounds harsh to say to people. It might be better to say not as essential as others or essential but not in a life-threatening emergency. Some may think that hairstylists are nonessential until it’s their hair that looks like a gray rat’s nest, then that gets a quick re-think. With food it should be easier to spot. If it provides life-sustaining nutrients, it is essential; if it provides empty calories and may even cause varying degrees of health damage, then it is nonessential. I am trying to implement this when making my food choices. Is this food essential to my health and well-being or is it not only nonessential, but also damaging to my health? When I think of certain items that are ingestible as nonessential and perhaps even destructive, it is getting easier to not desire them. This is where mindful thinking plays a critical role. Stop and think about what you are about to consume and why you made that choice. If you realize you purchased an item that you now regret buying, do not eat it. It is far better to take the L and toss it out. I believe it is wrong to waste food, it grieves my soul, but these items aren’t nutritious food anyway. Just get rid of it and consider this a relatively inexpensive lesson you’ve learned and be proud of yourself for choosing your good health over highly marketed damaging junk food.
* * *
My oxygen levels have been consistently better for the last few weeks. I haven’t had to use my oxygen machine recently and I am doing so much better. I haven’t experienced as much shortness of breath lately either. When I carried in the groceries from the car and put them all away the other day, I did get short of breath, but that is the first time that I have done that much physical activity since getting Covid. It wiped me out, but the recovery time wasn’t that long this time. This is such great news! I almost feel close to normal as far as breathing goes. I remain hopeful that my cognitive abilities will return to normal. I am reading a lot again, but I notice that I still don’t retain as much as I used to. The working memory is still concerning, but it is all improving, unfortunately it is improving much too slowly for my liking. For months it was too exhausting to even try to read at all. Once I was physically able to sit up and read, I was unable to follow along and comprehend much of what I was trying to read. It was a bizarre feeling to read a couple of sentences and have almost no idea what I had just read. A couple of months later and I started reading short articles, then books, but without pressure to retain a lot of what I was reading. Now I am reading and writing again, but still not quite at my normal, pre-Covid level of abilities and comprehension. I am just going to continue to travel the path I selected and eat healthy foods, try to get more activity, reduce stress, read, play mind stimulating games, and take it from there. I got out of the hospital nearly eleven months ago and still I’m not 100 percent. Wow.
* * *
This morning my oxygen level was 99 percent and I felt great! I feel so close to being my old self today that I can barely contain myself! For the first time since having Covid, I went into a store. I went to Home Depot to buy plants, so it was semi-outdoors, but it was a real store! I even pushed an uncooperative flatbed cart full of poinsettias a little bit and I didn’t get short of breath until we got back to the car and started loading up. This was a huge step for me and I am thrilled!
Covid knocked me down but not out. It could have taken my life like it has tragically taken so many others. Now I am fighting back. In many respects I feel like I am a stronger person now than I have ever been at any time in my life. There have been times during this long recovery that felt overwhelmingly bleak and nearly hopeless, but there has always been a glimmer of hope that although recovery is not going to be easy or quick, it is imminent.
Studies have shown that most people who have more serious cases of Covid are those who are older, those who are overweight, or those who have a preexisting medical condition. My only medical condition is moderately elevated blood pressure that is controlled with medication, that leaves the overweight part, and I am tackling that now. Most likely when the weight is in a healthy range my blood pressure will be, too. It initially increased due to overwhelming stress that I no longer have to deal with. Hopefully within a year or so I will be able to discontinue taking the BP meds as well.
Check-in 2: Today is December 10, 2021, and I am weighing in today to check on my progress. Hopefully I am not increasing the pressure on myself with these monthly check-ins, but I do want more of a gauge. My pants are fitting better, so I know it is going to be positive. Okay, I am happy to say that I lost another five pounds! I didn’t expect it to be as much as last month because of the initial water weight loss the first month, and also my generous helpings with Thanksgiving leftovers this month which definitely did not help things at all. Still, to lose another five pounds is great! Admittedly I had mentally calculated that I would be down an additional eight pounds, but that kind of thinking goes against my first healthy life plan guideline of No Pressure. The bigger picture here is that after two months I am down fifteen pounds and feeling so much better. My oxygen levels have increased and seem to have stabilized a bit, so I am no longer using the oxygen concentrator. Breathing better contributed to me believing that I would be able to be more mobile and lose the excess weight initially, and now that I am losing weight, I am feeling even better.
It is exciting thinking about the many healthy dishes I am going to prepare this week. My grocery orders are ready to be picked up and I have more energy to get cooking! There are visions of containers of wonderful, delicious, prepared foods dancing in my head today! That will help when I want a quick, healthy meal or snack. The impulse to grab and snack is still challenging for me. It is not that I am hungry, it is just a habit. Overall, the plan has continued to be easy. I never go hungry at all. My challenge remains the same, and that is to curb the habitual snacking impulse. I am working on ways to divert my habit of snacking to something else. When a curious toddler needs distracting from a potentially harmful object, we hand them some novel item that will satisfy their need in another way, like a wooden spoon and a small pot to bang on, successfully redirecting them. I am still searching for my wooden spoon.
Third month:
For three days in a row now I have gotten out of the house and done at least a little something. I got a little bit of sunshine, too, which is good because my daughter laughingly told me that I am whiter than her bottom (well, in her blunt teenage vernacular, she didn’t say bottom, but whatever)!
* * *
I cannot believe that I am already in the third month of my healthy life plan! Time is going by so quickly. I’ll reach my goal before you know it! And this is so easy. I made delicious tacos tonight…why wait for Tuesday?! I warmed the tortillas in a dry pan, used lean ground beef with sautéed onions and taco seasoning, topped with lots of lettuce and salsa, which, as you know, are free items on my plan, calorie wise. I had three generous tacos for about 350 calories. Delicious, reasonably healthy, and right in my calorie range. Who could feel like they are missing out when eating like this? So what if they weren’t fried! I didn’t miss it at all and as an extra bonus, I don’t have indigestion. With my oxygen levels being so much better, I didn’t get short of breath while I cooked. That made it much easier to prepare dinner. Cooking at home lets me be in charge of the calories in my food, and small changes add up quickly.
* * *
The difference in my attitude toward what I want to eat now from what I wanted to eat just two short months ago is incredibly vast. My family ate pizza the other day. They reminded me that I could have a slice or two and be within my calorie range. That is true. However, traditional pizza is not the nutrient dense food that I am now desiring. The pizza didn’t sound appealing. I thought about it and it simply wasn’t tempting to me. I am not saying that pizza is bad, and I’ll never have it again. No, I am just saying that it does not fit into what I want for myself now and that at this point, I do not miss it. If I do get around to wanting to have pizza, I think I am going to make it myself. I’ll learn how to make a healthier thin style crust, or maybe use something else for the “crust”. I want a nutritious pizza that I can feel good about rather than a high sodium, nutrient poor, greasy carb fest. It is exciting to see that in such a short period of time my food passions have changed so dramatically. I am learning so much more about nutrition and finding more ways to prepare food that is not only delicious but also nutritious.
* * *
Have you ever done something that was so painful you knew you would never do it again? Maybe slamming your fingers in a car door or getting a terribly painful sunburn? You would be as careful as possible to ensure your safety and well-being in the future. You may want to warn others about the dangers whenever you see their little pinkies stray too near the danger zone or see the exposed red skin of an out-of-state visitor at the beach or an amusement park. That is how I feel now about carrying a lot of excess weight. Yet I know all too well that it has to be an individual decision and there is little that anyone else can do to make people understand the importance of maintaining a healthier weight. The risk of death or severe illness from Covid is not enough to wake people up. It has to do with the “It won’t happen to me” mentality that blinds us to reality. I want to shout from the rooftops, Hey people, lose the weight! Help save yourselves! If you get C-19 you might not make it…many haven't...think of your loved ones. But I know the reality is that would help absolutely no one. It probably would not have helped me. Although once I saw the statistics of the correlation between being overweight and the significant increase in the risk of dying from Covid, I did start a “diet” and lost an average of six pounds per month for three months. I did try, but I should have stayed with it. We were dealing with a lot of stress with my family’s health issues and the upcoming holidays to celebrate, blah, blah, blah, excuses, excuses, excuses—clearly should have stayed with the diet back then. Who knows, maybe the eighteen pounds that I lost in combination with the healthier food I was eating at the time that I got Covid may have helped me to pull through. I have no way of knowing, but I know that “Covid favors the thin” and I want to be favored, too.
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We went out tonight! It is the first time I have gone anywhere for fun in eleven months. We went to the Christmas boat parade. It was chilly and drizzly, which was perfect for seeing the holiday lights. We all bundled up and had a good time. We avoided any crowds. I did wear my mask when we were anywhere close to where people were, but we were able to sit in an isolated area to view the beautiful boats. It was amusing how a few people stared at me, presumably for being the only person wearing a mask. That doesn’t bother me at all. A new indoor mask mandate began yesterday in my area, but I do not need a mandate to tell me that I am safer with a mask on than not. I will wear a mask in public to help us all, until such a time as it becomes unnecessary. Afterwards we went to In-n-Out and I had a lettuce wrapped hamburger, no spread. Delicious and low calories. Everyone else had also snacked at the boat parade, but I only had half of a small handful of popcorn. Socializing was much more fun than eating! Definite progress.
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I have achieved one goal already. I no longer weigh in at the severely obese level. I am still dealing with obesity, but not being severely obese is the first step and does make me feel significantly better. I am making progress. But honestly, more important than the number on the scale is the dramatic change in the foods that I want to eat. I love eating clean and healthy with lots of vegetables and a variety of nutrient dense foods! They just taste so much better. I am enjoying finding new ways to prepare them and I cannot even imagine eating most of the junk I was eating before. I not only don’t want most of the unhealthy things I was previously consuming, but I now look at most of them in disgust! This attitude change is HUGE! And it will help me maintain a normal weight throughout my lifetime. These are the lifestyle changes I was looking to make, and I cannot believe how easy it has been so far. Making the changes was not as hard as I thought it would be. Now it is a matter of educating myself even more regarding nutrition and food preparation and then just putting in the time it takes to get back to my healthy weight. I want to add more activity in my days. My injured hip is acting up and I am struggling with the pain of that, but I will not give up. If I have to do yoga from a chair for a while, then that is what I will do. I’m also giving my little two-pound dumbbells a workout several days a week. I’m not up to the cardio just yet, but a little weight resistance training is a great place to start. No more leading a completely sedentary life for me.
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Christmas is nearly here, and the Omicron variant is in full swing. There is a bit of anxiety in the air since it is almost one year ago to the day that Covid infected my family and set a new course for my life. The stressors from Christmas past seem to be just that…past. This is probably due in part to the way that we are having a smaller, more personal Christmas without all the glitz and the bustle of too many activities. I have planned for many delicious vegetable-laden, nutrient dense recipes in our holiday meal plans along with the traditional protein foods. There will be many healthy choices available, so it is just the portion sizes to contend with. Probably the area of the most concern for me is nervousness from potential interpersonal conflicts that occur from time to time at family gatherings, and its frequent companion: nervous overeating, and with all the added stress of the Covid fourth wave, well, it may be difficult to wear the at times less than genuine smile of peacemaker.
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When I was a kid I thought that the people who lived in the houses with Christmas lights were wealthy. It didn’t matter the size of the house or the location, location, location. If they had lights up for the holidays, they were “rich” in my estimation. When I became an adult with my own home you can probably guess what my house looked like at Christmastime. Not quite enough to beat the Griswold Family’s Christmas light display, but maybe first runner-up. I enjoyed it for a while but working hard to make “perfect” holidays for my family was exhausting, and ultimately not fulfilling. I started shooting more for lovely, happy Christmases, and that was much better. There was a surprising amount of pushback when I tried to selectively reduce the several decades’ worth of holiday clutter, in particular, rehoming a homely stuffed reindeer that helped block the draft by the front door named Shivers. It wasn’t noticed at first, but once his absence was discovered, surprisingly there was a minor revolt—you just can’t please everyone. Lately, the last few years or so, instead of one of the biggest trees on the lot, we have been selecting adorable “Charlie Brown” trees—small, scant needles, looking like they desperately needed a home before ending up in the chipper. This year we are just putting on one single red bulb. With what we’ve been dealing with, everything going on in the world, with so many sick and so many lives lost in the past year, this feels fitting for us.
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Christmas 2021 is now a memory—overall a pretty good memory. I did manage to list everything consumed on MyFitnessPal daily log in spite of the busyness. My goal for this day was not to stay at my caloric goal of 1200 calories, but to be mindful of what I ate and see how many calories that ended up being. I still had my planned dessert and tried everything that I wanted. I ended up at close to 1600 calories for the day. That is reasonable, in my opinion. The amount of treats that came into the house, despite my cries of minimal added sugar and no candy, was massive. I did not eat any of the candy that was given to us at all. I was not even tempted by it. Yes! I had the one treat sent by a family member that I had been saving in the freezer to have for Christmas. Without that treat, which was a delicious holiday brownie, I would have been right at my regular calorie goal. I guess that is not too bad. We love to make statements like Christmas calories don’t count (they do), and we also enjoy being thoughtful of others and we want them to enjoy delicious holiday treats—just one of these won’t hurt you, after all, it is Christmas are frequently heard appeals to those watching their weight during the holidays. I appreciate the sentiments and the love, but I have found new ways to enjoy the holidays that do not include the overabundance of sweets. I like the new way I am thinking about added sugar desserts. They are a treat for special occasions to be enjoyed in small amounts without guilt. The sliver of pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving, the one holiday brownie (in that past, I would have eaten nearly all of them over the course of a few days because they are a particular favorite), and maybe a small piece of cake for my birthday. It isn’t that they are a reward, it is more that they are a way to commemorate a special time and can be enjoyed and then continue to move forward with life. There is no need to create a fixation by total denial, I also don’t want to make it a reward thereby establishing that the absence of treats is a punishment; they are simply a small part of a special time that is enjoyable but not a huge focal point. It is possible that I have become a dessert minimalist!
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Overdoing things is still affecting my oxygen levels. This is not what I wanted to deal with anymore. Cooking fresh, healthful foods is such a huge part of my plan for good health and wellness, and I am limited to preparing about one dish every couple of days. It is time to move past a dependence on prepared meals and take-out, but it is not physically possible for me just yet. This setback has contributed to feelings of inadequacy and a bit of depression. I cooked for hours until I could barely move the other day, which was not the smartest move, but when I started I thought that I was at that point. Once I realized I was in over my head, it was too late to just stop. I had to finish everything I was doing. Then for the next few days the pain was pretty severe, and my oxygen levels dropped to 92-95 percent frequently and I felt completely exhausted. Yesterday saw better levels return and today continues to be around 97-98 percent. Clearly I have to learn to pace myself better. I am only sharing this information in case anyone else is experiencing the same type of setbacks during their recovery—misery loves company.
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For the first time since beginning my healthy life plan, I did not enter everything I ate on MyFitnessPal. I just estimated the calories and did a quick add. That decision to simply add a rough estimate, which I am sure was too low, helped me to see how much this setback has affected me emotionally. There has also been more personal stress recently which is contributing to the negative feelings as well. This is where the rubber meets the road, so to speak. If I am unable to prepare the foods that I want to eat at this time, I need to improvise. I will order the healthiest, but easiest, foods I can find. The bigger issue is not letting this overwhelm me and create feelings of failure. Okay. I cannot cook for hours on end just yet. I can handle that. By now I was hoping that I would be able to start cooking more and walking more, but by overdoing it I ended up not able to move much at all again. I need to adapt. It is time to start using my exercise bike. That will take the pressure off my injury and still allow for getting more movement. Lately that bike has been my holiday overflow rack, but it is time to put it to better use. With more movement in my life, that should help reduce the blues. I just cannot let it create another problem or setback. Thinking through these issues is challenging, but there will be a way to improve the situation—just not as quickly as I was planning. Be ready for anything in life for you never know what is headed your way.
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We’re going to get real here, folks, with value judgments and everything. When 2020 was coming to a close, it seemed like it couldn’t happen soon enough. The year 2021 was certainly going to be better, much better, and brighter and happier, and would surely see the end of the dreaded C-19 and its nasty friends—or at least that is what we were hoping for. Many of us expected that the much-anticipated vaccines, once available to the general public, would alleviate our many woes, and we would soon be on the global road to recovery. We expect quick solutions to whatever ails us, that is the American way. Our shrinking attention spans practically demand quick resolutions. Long gone are the likes of former president Harry Truman who said, “It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.” A deadly pandemic would seem to be deserving of that type of thinking. In our polarized society, neither group can let the other appear to take credit for anything that may have positive significance, so let the trashing and thrashing begin. That a virus, a deadly virus, has become politicized in this way is shocking, sickening, and has led to numerous deaths of the unvaccinated collateral damage. Many voices publicly denounced the vaccines or at least stirred the pot of festering opinions. Why? Encouraging people not to get a potentially life-saving vaccination…what kind of leadership is that? The reactions of some politically charged individuals in relation to Covid -19 vaccines has been the most disgusting display of selfishness and manipulation witnessed in my lifetime. I say this right now as the number of new cases has far surpassed the previous record high number of cases back when I was infected with it, and close friends have now been bombarded with Covid infections in their family and friend groups. I now have family members who are once again exposed to the horrors of this disease. Most of the people affected were vaccinated, but a number of them were not and that leaves the rest of us concerned for their health and wellbeing. Why were so many unvaccinated? It is at least in part due to the irresponsible, misleading propaganda spewed forth from some of the media, and from the polarizing algorithms that contribute to living in a political bubble. There is an important lesson here that hopefully won’t be missed—I realize that is a naïve thought. There are those who want to continue in their pursuit of what they view as their “freedom” and their “rights”, all the while remaining blinded to what is happening around them. Do not misunderstand, our freedoms and our rights are important to me and every other freedom-loving American, but jeopardizing millions of lives so someone does not have to wear a mask or get vaxed is blatantly wrong. Viruses hold no political views. They are not Democrat or Republican, and they are most definitely not Green. They are neither conservative nor liberal—they are not even American! Shocking as it may appear to be to those who tend to be ethnocentric, but there it is. The coronavirus will infect indiscriminately, but it does appear to be agist, possibly sexist, and anti-obese when it comes to whose life it will terminate prematurely.
Children are suffering a great deal through all of this, as are we all. There will be gaps in their education, social dysfunction, mental health issues, and more. That is why vaccinations and the wearing of masks and self-isolation are so important to reduce the spread of the disease and start the recovery. We are all suffering, but during a life-threatening situation you deal with the greatest threat first. The number one concern is saving lives. That must take priority. There are so many problems as a result of the pandemic; it’s unfortunate that we were caught with our pants down! We hate to see the children suffering…we hate to see any suffering.
Now we are ready to put another year in the books. We say goodbye to 2021 and tentatively welcome in the new year with trepidation. What does 2022 hold in store? The future is unknown and uncertain. We are still in a pandemic. People are still suffering. There has been an increase in depression and anxiety, loneliness and isolation. In the United States alone we have lost nearly 850,000 people to a disease that didn’t even exist two years ago—at least not in humans. Globally we have lost over five million people to Covid-19; this loss is tragic and devastating. We were poorly prepared as individuals, as a nation, and as a global community, and we still can’t seem to get everyone to play nicely together in the sandbox. To look at this from a different perspective, during the 1918 Influenza Pandemic, over fifty million deaths occurred, and many of those were young children. When I think about how bad this could have been, I feel thankful that it wasn’t worse. It has been horrible and devastating and speaking for myself, nearly fatal, and yet I can still feel thankful that because of great efforts by many and numerous sacrifices by most, we have fared better than what might have been. It is hard to breath in a mask, especially when my oxygen is low, but I gladly do it, as do our doctors, nurses, and medical support staff on a daily basis. It is lonely not being able to be with friends, but it helps reduce the spread. It isn’t much fun not getting to go do all the activities that we used to do, and it is personally challenging and costly to have to put my higher education on hold due to the complications of long Covid. As much as all these things and more have cramped our style, we can do them. We can find ways to improvise, adapt, and overcome—find our inner-marine. We can do them because they may not only save our lives, but they may help to save the lives of many, many others. It is not too much to ask that they wear a mask. Leave your whining at the door and put on a mask, or do not go in. It is quite simple. It is no sign of great courage or strength of character to go indoors maskless…it is just inconsiderate and selfish, and in light of the rising number of breakthrough cases, a bit foolish as well.
Also, get vaccinated unless you are allergic to the vaccines. You may experience some side effects for a day or two, but that is a small price to pay—we are in a PANDEMIC! A pandemic that has already killed millions and millions of people. Let us all do our part and be there to help and support our medical teams, our neighbors, our families, and ourselves. When I got my vaccine, I happened to hear several nurses speaking about their experiences while working on the Covid floor at the hospital, and my heart broke for them. More than a few are dealing with symptoms of PTSD. They subject themselves to an incredible amount of stress and there is no relief in sight for them. It just cannot be stressed enough—everyone needs to behave in a responsible manner and take care of themselves during these difficult times, isolate if exposed, stay at home as much as possible, wear a mask, get vaccinated and boosted, do everything in your power to improve your immune system, and get regular exercise daily. Apparently I get a bit riled up when I am in an isolation countdown. I will now step down from my soapbox. My wish for peace, joy, love, and health for all in a bright new 2022.
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Happy New Year! When checking my email this morning it looked like the entire weight loss industry knew I was overweight! How can they know? Blasted big tech spies! There were many invitations to join various weight loss programs. Hopefully these programs will work for the many people who are at this very minute inserting their credit card numbers and agreeing to some type of autopay. A few sound tempting, like those that deliver fresh, healthy meals to your door. Given my current physical limitations, that may not be an entirely bad idea, but that may be a pricey way to go. Before trying anything too extreme, I ordered a counter-height stool that I can pull up to the sink area to prepare my fresh foods. That may help enough for me to get back in the kitchen and start rattling those pots and pans.
Harvard Health Publishing just sent me an email about their book Lose Weight and Keep it Off, and it appears to cover many of the same topics discussed in this book, but they say that counting calories is not necessary. That may be true for some people, and I have lost weight before on diet programs that were not calorie based, but it is important for me to count calories. If I knew when to stop eating, I wouldn’t be in the shape I am in now. For those who want to lose a few pounds to be more attractive, maybe the urgency level would be different and counting calories would not be as important. Most programs require counting something or eliminating something to lose weight. I made the decision to count calories on my healthy life plan because it is the easiest way to ensure that there is freedom to select at least some of what is desired, and it is a way to learn how to compensate for choosing occasional higher calorie foods. It is also a way to learn how much food is a healthy amount to consume and when to stop. And although I do count calories, there is no firm set amount. With having numerous “free” foods, the calorie count is almost irrelevant, but still a helpful guide for me.
For diets where specific foods are eliminated and then later added back into the diet, what real lifestyle changes have occurred? If the overall diet hasn’t changed for the better, weight gain would seem to be inevitable. That is part of the reason why yo-yo dieting is so prevalent. A close family member goes on a popular commercial diet periodically. Once they gain about fifteen to twenty pounds, they decide that they need to diet. The weight was gained by returning to the same old bad habits of their past which includes eating too much ice cream, candy, and processed carbs. The diet they select helps to eliminate most of those items and the weight is lost. Maintenance is pretty good for months, then the old habits start to creep back in. They haven’t learned how to limit, substitute, or eliminate the high calorie, nutrient poor foods they crave, so weight gain is inevitable and then they resume the same failed diet they were on before. Although they did lose the desired amount of weight, I call the diet a failure because it did not teach the skills needed to effectively keep the weight off. Yo-yo dieting can lead to serious health conditions and I am not playing around anymore. There is now an exciting, brand-new lifestyle in my future, including a complete nutritional makeover and a lot of getting physical, a commitment to a permanent relationship with healthy foods, and only the occasional fling with tempting treats.
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The New York Times had an article the other day called “A Food Audit” by David Leonhardt. It is in line with what I believe about food consumption and dieting. It is simple to understand and just makes good sense. Weight management doesn’t have to be so difficult. The only issue that I have with the article is the line about rules. I am okay with simple guidelines, but not so fond of thinking about rules. Once something is forbidden, it can become all the more tempting. This goes back almost to the beginning of time! My own family members who try to “diet”, two are in the process right now, restrict certain foods during their weight loss journey, then as soon as they arrive at their goal, one will rush out and gorge on the forbidden foods, and the other will gradually reintroduce the problematic foods back into their diet, and with them, the lost weight! It is always just a matter of time before they gain back all the weight that took them so long to shed, and the yo-yo doesn’t miss a beat. It keeps its momentum. Guidelines are much better than rules to my way of thinking.
You may question me saying, “But you don’t allow yourself to eat candy. Isn’t that a strict rule?” And that is partially correct—I do not eat candy. But that is more in line with getting off cocaine for me. I am no longer like a drug addict. I also did not say that I absolutely cannot ever have candy, I said that I no longer want it. That may be splitting hairs here, but it works for me. My youngest daughter likes to buy everyone their favorite candy from her favorite candy store as part of their Christmas gifts. She knows that I no longer eat candy, but she still cannot bring herself to exclude me from this tradition of hers. She bought me one piece of my former favorite sugary confection, which they wrapped beautifully in its own special miniature box. It is still sitting on my jewelry box. It now has become a symbolic testament to the strength of my resolve. This drug-like confection that used to have such power over me I can now look at with complete indifference. It’s pretty impressive when I think about it.
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Dear family members and friends, all vaccinated but not boosted, now have Covid for the second time. They most likely have the Omicron variant, along with most of the planet. It is difficult, but I am trying to not catastrophize this. There is no reason to believe that they will have long Covid and suffer long-term health problems as a result. Just trying to keep this in proper perspective.
Check-in 3: Today is January 10, 2022, and it’s time to step on the scale again. There are people in my life who have seen a difference in my weight, and the positive feedback has been encouraging. Yay!! The weight loss is now noticeable and that makes me thrilled about what I am doing. The most challenging time of the year for me regarding losing weight is during the Christmas holidays. I have been on my healthy life plan during the Halloween season, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s! All typically weigh-gain times of the year, so to lose anything is a positive. I am pleased to say that I lost another five pounds! It has now been three months since I started my healthy life plan, and I have lost a total of twenty pounds—twenty NOTICEABLE pounds! The pants that were practically my daily uniform are just too big to wear anymore. Yes! They are still in my closet but only so I can eventually take a picture of myself in them once I reach my goal weight.
The battle against the habitual snacking is on! Armed with sugar-free gum, I now face the evenings with fearless abandon! Gum has never been my thing, but it’s not bad. My dentist recommended gum with xylitol before, and it does seem to help reduce the urge to nibble, munch, and graze. Exchanging one habit for another was not part of my initial plan, but since one has fewer than five calories and the other has potentially hundreds of calories, the choice became clear. Sugar free gum it is! Another helpful change recently made is that I cleared my office space of all snacks. It was convenient having quick snacks handy, but the problem is that it was convenient having quick snacks handy! Out of sight, out of mind is true for the most part. Since discovering that higher protein meals increase feelings of satiety, my goal is to have approximately 20 grams of protein at each meal, with a total minimum goal of 60 grams of protein for the day. Sufficient protein helps to reduce the desire to snack between meals. Again, I can’t stop singing the praises of MyFitnessPal for its important help in this area. They track all the data for me. It’s great!
Fourth Month:
The Coronavirus booster was finally available for me, and I got it today. There shouldn’t be any significant problems from this, maybe some flu-like side effects, but nothing I am unable to deal with. I am starting to miss baseball season right about now. After my other vaccines I was able to rest watching Dodger games—sort of took the sting out of it, or at least distract me for a couple hours. It was an absolutely gorgeous day today and it felt like spring was in the air, but we still have over two more months of winter. My favorite football team is heading into the playoffs, so that is fun. I am a Buccaneer fan, but a couple years ago, I was a Patriots fan. You know what that means? That means I am really a Tom Brady fan! But who isn’t? I noticed that I am anxiously trying to think of all the positive things I can at the moment. Those flu-like symptoms should be called Covid-like symptoms, and they do hit me pretty hard. The next day or two will be tough, to be completely honest, but I am going to do all I can do to protect myself and others from the horrors of any Covid-19 sequel. Just trying to keep the scoreboard Me:1, Covid: 0—and no rematches!
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I am still feeling weak, but I’ll survive. It was too difficult for me to eat much of anything, not even chicken noodle soup, which as you may know, is usually a cure-all. Most of the day was spent in bed yesterday, not eating, and crying over house reveals on HGTV. Covid and the Covid vaccines make me feel quite weepy. I think they may eventually discover a connection between Covid and our hormone levels, at least in postmenopausal women. While I spent a miserable day and a half after the booster, it was worth it, and it isn’t this hard on everyone. All things Covid hit me hard. The good news is that my family and friends who were recently infected with Covid are all doing well. They were all vaccinated. I am grateful for that. Today is a new day, a beautiful day, and I’m already up and showered and thinking that I might be able to eat a little something.
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The Fit Menu at El Pollo Loco is small but mighty. The double chicken avocado salad is my new favorite for a quick healthy lunch. It has a little over 300 calories, tons of protein, and is so good! If you are sensitive to spicy foods, just ask them to hold the Pico de Gallo salsa, and you should be fine. I enjoy it and think of it as a medium salsa, but I have family members who it is a bit too spicy for.
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Restaurants post their nutrition information available online now, and it makes all the difference. It is so easy to plan meals and stay within my caloric guidelines. This raises the bar for fast-food! It is more like real food that is fast than fast-food! Say buh-bye to greasy, fried, nutrient poor fast-food choices, and hello to good nutrition!
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When you think of table tennis, or as most of us call it, ping pong, you may not think of an invigorating workout, but I am here to tell you that it can be a fun way to get more activity and movement in your life. We just set up our table and have it ready to go. Let the games begin!
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Tomorrow the Tampa Bay Buccaneers will face off against the Los Angeles Rams in their quest for another Super Bowl win in a few weeks, and this got me thinking about the amazing Tom Brady. I’m more of a casual football fan and my knowledge is limited, but I started wondering just what he eats to be so incredibly fit and successful during his extraordinary long career in professional football…has he secretly discovered the fountain of youth? Information is available online about his diet and his views on maintaining good health, and he also has a book available that I haven’t read yet. One of the things he does is to make sure he drinks a lot of water! Check. Totally with him on this. He is even more specific in the amount, stating that he drinks one ounce of water per half of his body weight, which means a 160-pound person would drink 80 ounces of water, or if you are the GOAT (greatest of all time) himself, you would consume about fourteen 8-ounce glasses per day. His method is probably a better gauge than mine, which is more generalized, stating that each person needs to drink a minimum of eight 8-ounce glasses of water per day and more when hot or sweaty. Either way, drinking water is key. We both stay away from soda and coffee. Whatever he is doing, it sure looks good on him. Go Bucs!
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Game day snacks looked a little different this time around. Salad, vegetables, meat and cheeses, and fresh fruits were the main items of the day, with a sparkling mineral water chaser. An incredible, nail-biting game that sadly ended the Bucs playoff contention this year, but at least only healthy food was consumed—even when tempers flared (mine) at the horribly unfair fifteen-yard penalty imposed on an injured and bleeding Tom Brady, I didn’t try to eat my way through it. Sad to think of a Super Bowl game without TB12, and I hope he doesn’t decide to retire this year. He did have a great year and I wouldn’t blame him if he wanted to retire, but I am not ready to watch him go just yet. Hoping for one more year…doubting it will happen.
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The sugar-free gum is helping with the snacking issue. Nighttime snacking was such a habit and difficult to get under control, but now it’s a lot easier. The aspartame free, sugar-free gum with xylitol is what I am buying. I try to avoid aspartame, but it was listed as one of the last ingredients on some of the gum that I bought. We must check all labels! Just because it says it is made with xylitol on the front of the package does not mean that it is aspartame-free. I found that out after I bought a fifteen-pack box. When manufacturers make the ingredients list in a font that is so small that it is impossible to read, that is my first clue that the item probably contains things I do not want to ingest!
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He will continue to be a leader and an inspiration in his new endeavors, I am sure. Tom Brady officially announced his retirement after twenty-two record-breaking years in the NFL. He will be greatly missed. His commitment and dedication to always give one hundred percent is what set him apart. His attitude towards life can be used as a type of playbook for living a successful life and attaining goals. I greatly admire him and his dedication to be his best and feel I can learn so much from his example. That is what I am trying to do now with the healthy life plan—do my best to succeed in living a healthy life and be an encouragement to others. Well, for me, watching the Super Bowl won’t be nearly as much fun without Brady, but I will still watch it…wearing my TB12 football jersey. Go, Tom!! Enjoy your next adventure!
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Those closest to me have been positive and encouraging and let me know that they can see a big difference with my weight loss and mentioned something I hadn’t thought about and that is that I am just about one quarter of the way to my goal! Yay me! Also, I have realized that treating myself better is part of my plan now and I have been rewarding myself along the way with a few little pampering items. In the past I tended to punish myself for weight gain. If I gained weight and absolutely needed to buy new clothes, I would only get the least expensive and the bare minimum to get by. Since I love clothes and fashion, this was a pretty harsh punishment. The unwritten rule was no new clothes until I was at my goal weight. It reminded me of shopping with Babysitter when I was a kid. She would only search through the clearance racks on those rare occasions that she was looking for clothing, and even then, she would wait as long as possible to buy an item to make sure that she got it at the rock-bottom clearance price. This odd punishment I dispensed upon myself never helped me at all, and probably contributed to my negative feelings and depression. I already felt terrible, that’s partially why I tried to comfort myself with food and gained weight in the first place! Not allowing myself to have nice things to wear only made it worse. A key truth in life is that punishments do not work, but positive encouragement might.
* * *
Baseball’s spring training should be starting in a couple of weeks, but with the lockout by the MLB it is not looking like that will happen. The coming of spring and the new baseball season is something that I look forward to, so this is another disappointment. In the past, disappointments have sometimes resulted in making poor choices regarding food, but no more. I now have another outlet, a way to find a little comfort, and that is to write about it. Here’s to hoping that they can pull it together and quickly resolve their differences, realizing that the country is already suffering enough and needs some normalcy right about now. At least we can enjoy the peace, unity, goodwill, and sportsmanship of the Winter Olympics right now…maybe. There are issues with China and their human rights record that have created a negative vibe to say the least. Not that the US is perfect, but we like to think we have the freedom to at least state our opinions.
In my opinion, our laws do not protect women enough. All women, even a vulnerable, weak, naïve, or just plain stupid one, deserve protection under the law. A wealthy baseball player can cause numerous physical and emotional injuries to a woman and have next to no repercussions from it. A few fans appear to be so concerned with winning the games that they care very little about the gross misconduct of the man who texted he was never more sexually turned on than during their physical encounter—an encounter in which the woman was injured, choked till she was unconscious, and sodomized without her consent while she was unconscious. The intent of the woman is irrelevant. Maybe she did it to try to get money, although she never made a proposition to that end. Maybe she thought that this was a way to attract a famous and wealthy ballplayer and have a relationship with him. Maybe the intent was close to what happened: throw something at him that he would go for—his proclivity for this type of behavior was known to some in that sphere—make it public, get him suspended, reduce his team’s chance of going to the World Series thereby perhaps increasing her local team’s chance of greater playoff success. Who knows, who cares. The only thing that matters here is that a woman was physically abused; he liked it, got away with it, and will likely do it again—this was not his first rodeo. There will be no charges filed against him and although he was suspended by the MLB last year, I'm told he still received his full pay! Basically, he was given a paid vacation for what he did. His rights have been more than protected all along, hers, well, not so much. A person can give someone permission to terminate their life, but that does not mean it is legal to do so—that is called murder and it is against the law. Giving someone permission to be rough with you does not give them the right to injure you; that is a battery and is against the law. The fact that the District Attorney does not believe they have enough evidence to get a conviction does not mean that laws were not broken. She should still be afforded protection under the law. He seems to be clever, cunning, depraved, and despicable and I will never watch any game that he is a part of. The old adage “He who has the gold makes the rules” has never been more true.
Check-in 4: Today is February 10, 2022, and it is already time to weigh-in again! Time is just flying by these days. It seems that five is my lucky number! I am down another 5.2 pounds and it feels great! Being one-quarter of the way to my goal weight is amazing to me. It has been four months since I began my Healthy Life Plan and I have been able to make many changes that have helped me reach this goal. I have learned to substitute similar but healthier alternatives for many of the nutritionally depleted foods of the past, and I have also learned how to stop the compulsive snacking. Something that was long overdue, I started to learn the importance of being kinder to myself. These positive steps towards a healthier, more fulfilling life are pretty easy to do once I put my mind to it. True, it did take several months to get a handle on the desire to snack at night, but once I started chewing the sugar-free gum, it became much easier. I recently had some dental work done and have been unable to chew gum the last couple of days and noticed that I did not even think about snacking in the evenings! Yes! That is amazing!
Showing kindness to others is very easy to do, but it was not something that I thought about when it came to myself. I am purposely trying to show greater kindness to myself now, as well. I think sometimes as moms we often put ourselves last if we even bother to put ourselves in the mix at all. For me, that led to neglecting myself to an unhealthy degree. I am changing that now. As Lucy told Charlie Brown, “The mere fact that you realize you need help indicates that you are not too far gone.” There may be help for me yet! Instead of shutting myself up with chocolate, I am learning to listen to myself, to hear myself, and to recognize my needs. This is going well. I’m loving my healthy life.
Fifth Month:
I am now beginning the fifth month of my healthy life plan! Each month I am inching my way towards better health. Doing it with lungs that are still recovering from Covid pneumonia and having various injuries and maladies does make it more challenging and time-consuming, but I’ll get there. Maybe it is the easy things in life that we put off to another day, and the challenges get met with our best efforts. I am throwing everything I’ve got at this and each month I feel a sense of satisfaction knowing that I am getting closer to the goal. It is still somehow easier to find my faults and criticize myself than it is to recognize my strengths and accomplishments, but I am working on that, too. I am proud of myself and what I am doing.
* * *
Super Bowl snacks were easy this year—I didn’t make any! We had salads. The focus doesn’t have to be on the food. That is something that I have to tell myself frequently now. I am a theme party person. I love to center everything around a theme, including the food, and go all out. It is like I have hit a reset button and it has been a game-changer. The game was still exciting, cheering on the Rams was fun, and the food was good. The event itself was the star of the show and we had a good time. And yes, I wore my Tom Brady jersey…some things never change.
* * *
Today I made sweet potato pizza rounds. I have wanted to make these since first seeing the recipe. Sadly, they were not as great as I imagined, but still they were pretty good and reasonably healthy for a pizza-like food. I will make them again but use less cheese and maybe a hotter oven. For a light dessert, I had sliced strawberries with a yogurt dip. The strawberries were good by themselves, but since I have a daily yogurt anyway, the two just seemed made for each other. It was a delicious, healthy treat. Somehow today I ended up short of my sixty grams of protein and I can feel the difference. I have felt a tad hungrier between meals and a bit like snacking, nothing too bad or out of control, but noticeable. The twenty grams of protein per meal is an excellent guide and prevents this feeling for me. Lesson learned? Yes! Be more careful planning my meals for the day. Today was a fluke, but one I won’t repeat.
* * *
The 2022 Winter Olympics has had its share of distractions, to say the least, but the drama from the women’s figure skating was the saddest thing I’ve seen in sports in a long time. The fifteen-year-old Russian skater who was still allowed to compete after testing positive for a banned substance, completely fell apart during her long program. It felt like I was watching some tragic form of child abuse; it was that painful to watch. The adults in charge of her care are the ones responsible, but she paid a huge price. The seventeen-year-old Russian girl that won the gold medal was excited and I hope the drama didn’t detract too much from her enjoyment of a special moment in her life. But in all honesty when you combine this incident with Russia’s doping scandal of the past, Russian athletes in general may now be viewed as tainted. The pressure heaped on some athletes to win is intense, and the pressure some adults put on children to perform is insane. Clearly the pressure is too much for children to deal with on their own, without someone there who wants what is best for the child, and not just another self-promoting win under their belt. The escalation of negative outcome possibilities due to this type of scenario is both tragic and completely preventable. Just off the top of my head I would be concerned about an increase in the possibilities of severe anxiety, substance abuse, self-harm, eating disorders, and suicide attempts. People are not to be toyed with. The way that some people treat children is deplorable. Children are people, too, just in a smaller size and likely to have fewer coping skills. They also have feelings and emotions, challenges and goals.
This reminds me of the life of the late, great Judy Garland. We all remember her beautiful performance in The Wizard of Oz, and it is difficult to fathom that she was being drugged during the filming of that movie by those in charge of her “care”. As a result of the years of being forced on strict diets and being drugged, she became dependent on harmful substances for most of her life, a life riddled with tragedy which ultimately led to a premature death. You wouldn’t think this would ever need to be said, but please, please do not drug children, and for crying out loud, let them eat food.
* * *
I finally decided to buy a nutrition book today. The last nutrition related book I read was the Whole30 diet book, and it was very specific to that particular plan. I wanted more general nutritional information to gain greater understanding and make the best choices I can. Most of the books available were textbooks with the lets-rip-off-students price tag, but fortunately there were nutrition books available for the rest of us, at under a $20 price point. After reading a few pages, I see why I was drawn to this particular book. The author talks about regular, no-nonsense things like flexible guidelines and not needing to spend a lot of money to get healthy, things I feel are very important and discussed in this book as well. I like seeing that I am on the right track!
* * *
The last two years have taught many of us the transitory nature of life. Yet life is what we have. When we are grateful for what we have, we will find more fulfillment in our lives. The unexpected can shorten the already brief moments we have to be grateful for. But while we live, let’s live life richly and rejoice. Be helpful to others. Be kind—always be kind. While life can be an amazing blessing, it can also be difficult. It is heartbreaking that so many endure pain and hardships and even premature loss of life, especially heartbreaking when it is completely preventable. Intentionally causing loss of life, or creating situations where that will be the result, bears witness to the fact that one has no heart, no feeling, no soul. There is always a better alternative than violence and aggression. The Pulitzer Prize winning author John Steinbeck wrote, “All war is a symptom of man’s failure as a thinking animal.” Global politics may be complex, but the answers for the world’s problems will never be found through the use of weaponry. To cause the loss of life in the present day, when history has proven how wrong it is, how completely unjust, how sorrowful, and that it is only barbarians who resort to violence, is simply inexcusable, incomprehensible. We know better. We feel it deep in our hearts and minds that it is a grievous wrong. We are currently witnessing the beginning of the brutalities that could launch a World War III. Have we, as a global community, learned nothing? Tensions mount. Tempers flare. Pride inflates. Bombs fall. Civilizations end.
* * *
Hard to be too upset by a delayed start to baseball season when the world is being turned upside down. Social media has forever changed modern warfare. We see everything, and in near real-time, too. No more sweeping evil under the rug; it’s out there for the world to witness and to judge.
* * *
My doctor is trying to see what can be done to help me with the lingering effects of long Covid. There is no cure for long Covid, and I have recovered from most of the symptoms of it. But I just want to make sure that if there is anything more that can be done regarding the shortness of breath or fluctuating oxygen saturation levels, that I am doing it. The X-ray showed that my lungs are now clear, which is great news. The recent bloodwork is encouraging as well. Trying to eat a nutrient dense diet does more than help with weight loss, it also helps the body maintain healthy blood sugar levels. The blood tests are all coming back within normal range. On one test I can see that over the last few years my risk of diabetes has significantly been reduced starting with the Whole30 sugar elimination diet that I completed about three years ago. What a huge impact that has made on my life. Eliminating sugar seemed impossible at first, but it got easier. In reality, it was not really that difficult. Surviving Covid was hard. Dealing with the debilitating effects of long Covid for over a year was hard. Not eating massive quantities of sweeteners is a change that requires adjustments, but it can be done. I’ve never met a bigger sugar addict than I was, and I got off it. If I can do it, you can do it. Something about the Whole30 program really clicked for me. I recommend it for anyone struggling to break their sugar addiction. For me, it took more than just reading the basics online. I also read excerpts from the book The Whole30: The 30-Day Guide to Total Health and Food Freedom that taught me about the program, helped me gain understanding, and offered the encouragement that I needed. It was not a lifelong sustainable diet for me, but it taught me a lot and helped deliver me from my sugar addiction. Now that I have been eating a healthier, more nutrient dense diet for nearly five months, I am rewarded with verifiable results. Seeing the direct measurable benefits of healthy eating is encouraging and I feel proud of myself for my efforts, for sticking with it, and for accomplishing my goals so far.
* * *
The global deaths from Covid have now topped six million, with nearly one million of those from the United States alone. Mandatory mask rules are relaxing in most areas, and people are beginning to blossom a bit as the weather warms. I wish I could share in the same optimism. The number of new cases appear to be plummeting, and that is a very good sign. Of course, every household was eligible to receive four free at-home Covid test kits, so not everyone who has tested positive for Covid is included in the recent numbers. I personally know of at least two people who self-tested positive and never reported it to their doctors…they basically didn’t know that was the protocol. But with the seemingly good news of fewer cases, I am trying to take care of important concerns like visiting with my doctor the other day and I have a dental examination coming up next week. If it weren’t for my medical and dental appointments, I’d have no social life at all!
* * *
Insecurities abound from my recent battles with Covid. Many people have positive outlooks about their risks of Covid, but I do not. Not only do I not have childhood securities to fortify me, but I have been through so much trying to recover from the nastiness of Covid that I am very, hmm, respectful of its ability to cut me off at the knees! Still, I think I might be up for some brief outdoor excursions. I know it would do me good to get out in the sunshine and fresh air. My oxygen has been somewhat stable again at about 96-98 percent oxygen saturation. That ought to be good enough to take a little easy stroll on a somewhat isolated trail. Only those who have seen the devastation of severe Covid or long Covid up close and personal can possibly understand my apprehensions. Before Covid I went everywhere and enjoyed a great many things, now I feel like Chicken Little. Thankfully I am not content to remain a fearful person who cowers away from life and the living, and I will continue to make strides towards normalcy. I can see the goal getting closer and closer and I am growing in appreciation of my own strengths. I know I can do this…I say this not so much to convince others, but to hearten myself.
Check-in 5:
Today is March 10, 2022, and it’s that time again. This was a shorter month, a stressful month, and a frightening and depressing month. The healthy life plan continues to see me through these difficult times, and I am still seeing the numbers go down on the scale. I lost another 3.5 pounds, and I am physically feeling much better than at any other time in the past fourteen months.
One beneficial change has been the way I am dealing with depression. Instead of trying to eat my way into oblivion, I am reaching out to loved ones and talking about the issues that are so troubling to me. I am being more honest and open about my feelings and frustrations, and I am allowing myself to become more vulnerable—which can be a scary thing in and of itself. I am also writing about them in my journal. I feel intense sorrow for the atrocities being committed against so many people, and I also feel helpless. Making poor food choices would not benefit anyone, especially me. In the past I never believed that eating junk food would resolve anything, but I simply responded to discomfort on an emotional level and tried to soothe the pain with sugar. That gave a brief feel-good moment, but overall did extensive damage. Now I think about these issues mindfully and reduce the stress using the techniques in the healthy life plan, and that seems to be working for me at least enough to keep me striving towards my goals.
Sixth Month:
A few weeks ago I yearned for baseball season to begin. The MLB lockout was frustrating and went on far too long. The issues have been resolved and the season will begin shortly, but I almost don’t even care anymore. It is difficult to pretend that everything is okay when there are so many people suffering and dying. Things like sports take a backseat to all the devastation going on in the world. Baseball season brings with it a brief but welcome respite from the atrocities in Ukraine for those of us who are fortunate enough to be far away from the bombs and the war, but the heartache is still very much present. I have to limit my exposure to the horrors of the war because it feels so overwhelming, deeply depressing, and terrifying, and there isn’t much that I can do to end the violence. It is all so senseless. I realize that I must focus on my current goals and not become consumed with depression over this, but it is very difficult.
* * *
Now that baseball is back, I am going to try to switch my focus to spring training. It does seem trivial, but it is an important part of the American way of life for sports fans. Now we can go forward with the season and see where all the unsigned free-agent players land, especially Kershaw. I’m hoping for at least another year or two with Kersh as a Dodger but won’t be surprised if he ends up playing with Corey Seager again, only it won’t be in Dodger Blue. Totally understandable that he may want to play in Texas and be closer to his family. I’ll always be a Kershaw fan no matter where he throws the ball.
* * *
Well, that didn’t take too long. The ink isn’t even dry from the previous entry, and we just discovered that Clayton Kershaw will stay with the Dodgers for at least one more year! Yay! That’s very good news! There have been too many changes lately, and none of them to my liking till now. This calls for a little celebration, like maybe a bunless Dodger dog, peanuts but no Cracker Jacks, and a bit of the bubbly…bubbly water that it. Do I know how to party or what?!
* * *
Each month I continue to see improvements with my health, and I am able to do more most days. The constant fatigue is now only occasional fatigue and not nearly as debilitating, and the shortness of breath happens less frequently as well. Managing my activities and exertion has helped with these issues, but overall, I think the long Covid symptoms are improving. I almost hesitate to mention these things so as not to jinx anything, but I am not a very superstitious person, maybe just a bit apprehensive. I am still single-task bound and experience a bit of brain fog, especially where my working memory is concerned, but it seems to be improving. Improvement is good.
* * *
My life as a sports fan has had a great week! First the Dodgers re-signed my all-time favorite player Clayton Kershaw, and now Tom Brady announced that he is coming out of his six-week retirement and will once again play for the Buccaneers! I’ve had to continually check and recheck sources to make sure this is true, and it appears to be so. Woohoo! The only thing that could possibly make my sports-loving-heart any happier would be to get a text today that first baseman Freddy Freeman signed with the Dodgers! Happy happy!!
* * *
I thought about it. I planned for it. Now today, I did it. Two years ago I wouldn’t have even given it a thought. Going grocery shopping in person was so routine, not anything worth mentioning at all, but going to Costco today felt epic! It took us a little over an hour and I did have to stop from time to time to catch my breath, but it was a big success. We were masked, and most of our fellow shoppers were as well. There were some who were unmasked, and of course, they were usually the ones that crowded into my space. It did seem like people are pushier than I remember, and maybe a bit more rude to one another. It’s been about three months since my last shopping excursion when I went to Home Depot for Christmas poinsettias, so I’m definitely not rushing things here, but it feels good to be doing something normal again. While shopping I avoided the junk sections completely, and didn’t impulse buy at all either. It seemed like every time I turned a corner some vendor was passing out samples. Not in this lifetime! There is no way I am removing my mask to eat anything, and also, I am not eating samples that could potentially be riddled with germs. I know that’s not a likely way to get Covid, but there is a possibility, so it's a hard pass for me. I left the store starving and saw that I didn’t buy anything that could be opened and consumed in the car on the way home. That is a big improvement from my past when I always bought a package of some ready-to-eat snacks to munch in the car. Instead, I’d have to wait till I got home and then have my healthy chicken salad. And do you know what? I didn’t pass out from starvation and the sky didn’t fall on me!
* * *
Well, my sports-loving heart is now completely full…Dodgers just inked a deal with first baseman Freddie Freeman for the next six years! This new lineup is a Dodger fan’s dream come true! Freeman is a great ballplayer and will be a perfect fit with this club. Friday will be the first spring training game and I’m looking forward to a great outing. And in the words of our beloved announcer Vin Scully, It’s time for Dodger baseball! Since baseball’s preseason is beginning soon, I am going to try to think of a way to implement a fun personal physical fitness aspect to watching the games for myself. It’s time to get creative here. Hmm…maybe I’ll try making a commitment to getting fifteen minutes of outdoor activity of my choice as my own pre-game warm-up. I can start there and work my way up to bigger and better things.
* * *
My blood pressure was up a bit at my last doctor’s appointment, so they are having me go back in for a recheck. With the weight-gain of the past two years, the inability to get enough movement in my life due to a lack of oxygen, and the stress of Covid everywhere, I have no idea why it might be up! I know that I am doing everything in my power to reduce it. I’ve lost some weight, try to move more, eat a low-sodium, nutrient-dense diet, and I don’t smoke, drink alcohol, or consume caffeine; I also try to reduce or eliminate as much stress from my life as possible. They may want to increase my blood pressure medication which I don’t want, but if it is just a temporary thing until I lose more weight, then that will be okay. If given the choice, I would always prefer to fix things the natural way with as few medications as possible. But I am not going to be stupid about my blood pressure and ignore it. That would definitely be going against my goals of living a healthier life. Before the pandemic hit, my blood pressure was improving, and it looked like it wouldn’t be long before I could discontinue taking the one tiny pill that I currently take. Then along came the virus from hell, the dream-killer, and that idea flew out the window. I’m looking forward to better readings, and by next year or thereabouts, have normal blood pressure without meds.
* * *
So that went well. The nurse who performed my blood pressure check today was very skilled. She was kind, patient, and got a more accurate reading. She said my blood pressure was perfect! Music to my ears! I just need to keep plugging away with my weight loss goals, increase my physical activity, and continue to manage stress in a more productive way. My pulse oxygen levels have been improving a little bit, which is helping me to get a bit more physical activity in my life from time to time. It’s all coming together.
* * *
Home Depot has many beautiful plants for springtime. I went there today and got some lovely cala lilies for the front yard. The employees were very helpful and even loaded up my car for me. Flowers blooming, birds chirping, days warming…all the signs of springtime renewal and rebirth. I’m renewing, too. The day feels hopeful.
* * *
In preparation for the 94th Academy Awards presentation today, I watched several previous opening monologues on YouTube. It’s a bit like a fun history lesson. Watching the presentation has been a family tradition for many years. I watch every film nominated that I can. There are usually a couple that I am unable to find anywhere. This year I watched all but two shorts and one documentary that will not be available to stream till later this month. My ballot is filled out and I am ready to be awed. Nothing fancy for food this year. This is another tradition that is being revamped. We do not need chocolate covered everything to have a great time. Keeping it light and simple, healthful and hopeful.
* * *
One thing that I enjoy about watching the Academy Awards is the lovely predictability of it all. There will be humor, music, laughter, tears. Some of my picks will win, the others hopefully understand that it truly is an honor just to be nominated. There were over four hundred films released in the United States and Canada in 2021, and just ten selected for a Best Picture nomination. It is a tremendous honor to be nominated. At this level, all those that are nominated have done amazing work. Out of the twenty-three awards presented, I selected nineteen that went home with an Oscar win. Not too bad, but not good enough to win the prize of two tickets to next year’s Red Carpet production—I’ll try again next year. The three hosts idea was an interesting one. I’ve always loved Wanda Sykes, and Amy Schumer helped lighten the uncomfortable mood later in the show when it was most needed. All three women did a very good job, but Regina Hall’s bit about the emergency Covid test was a bit cringeworthy. I kept thinking sexist behavior is inappropriate no matter who is the aggressor, and a parody of it is not entertaining. Then of course, there was the thing…the unpredictable fifteen seconds that everyone’s talking about. And what perfect timing, too. At a time when many people want to demonstrate how to work out misunderstandings in ways that do not include violence, we had for the first time in the ninety-four-year history of the Oscar presentations, a battery committed against a presenter by a nominee. Shocking behavior. A casual joke was made by the presenter, comedian Chris Rock, that referenced the nominee’s wife, Jada Pinkett Smith, and it struck a nerve. Apparently she suffers from a condition that causes hair loss and that is why she close-cropped her hair. The entire world does not know about every celebrity’s spouse’s ailments…I thought the joke just referred to her being a strong, attractive, bad-ass woman. If anyone compared me to Demi Moore, I’d be thrilled to death! They may be out of touch with most of us regular folks, and maybe just a bit too full of themselves.
How believable are the tears of an Academy Award winning actor? I mean, it is called acting. Not believable enough to excuse this violent display. And this bit about protecting everyone, well, just who was protecting Chris Rock? The entire disgraceful ordeal was handled well by Rock who had to deal with it all on his own and go on with the show. He is a class act, but the Academy just left him out there to fin for himself. It was outrageous. I still feel stunned and hugely disappointed—disappointed that it happened in the first place, and disappointed at the way it was handled by the Academy and the attendees. I look forward to the Oscars every year; I have for decades. Basically, the actions of one celebrity, Will Smith, ruined the special evening for many of us, and for himself as well. Maybe I should be more compassionate about the “why” of it all, but I still feel horrified and disgusted by the entire ordeal. I’m not at the point yet where I can even think about the issue of Will Smith’s mental health, but there is clearly a need for someone to think about it. The Oscars give us a glimpse into the lives of some of the most pampered, indulged people on the planet, and it is usually sufficiently Hollywood enough, professional enough, to go off without a hitch. Those involved are usually at their best both in beautiful looks and lovely manners, and we can stay safely deluded. But the standing ovation that occurred after Smith won the Best Actor Oscar was clearly inappropriate and sent the wrong message. It made me feel ill, truly sick to my stomach. One thing is certain, several years ago that same power couple taught us the effectiveness of the boycott, so I think I will follow their example and boycott any future film or Academy Awards presentation that has that actor in it. Inexcusable, shameful behavior. Shame on the Academy, and shame on those who affirmed his misbehavior by standing up and applauding (and you know how I feel about shame!). Under different circumstances, the standing ovation would have been great…I’d have been jumping out of my seat applauding as well, but sometimes events occur where you have to go off-script and think for yourself. You do not give a standing O to one who has just “smacked the shit” out of someone right in front of your face.
Now, to celebrate the wonderful film that won Best Picture—I loved CODA! Congratulations to all those involved in creating this beautiful, moving film. I have seen it three times so far and each time it moved me to tears. It has inspired me to learn American Sign Language. A few years back I learned the ASL alphabet to teach it to my Girl Scout troop. Now I want to continue and build onto that. Learning new information is challenging for me right now, but I’m going to give it my best shot. Great films inspire people to grow, to learn, or to somehow be better for the experience, and CODA is a great film! I had three favorites going into the awards presentation, CODA, Belfast, and The Power of the Dog. I’m thankful they each won awards. So many amazing films brilliantly executed, and this during a pandemic! Hats off to the amazing storytellers among us for enriching our lives!
* * *
Little bit of encouragement for me today. I got a new pair of jeans in a size 16 today. They are snug, but they are on and zipped! Since they are snug it serves as a reminder that I don’t want to overeat. After wearing pajamas for months while recuperating, the only jeans that I had that fit were size 20, and that was with a stretchy waistband! It feels so good to be in regular sizes again! I don’t want to stay a size 16, but these new jeans are a 16 in regular sizes, not in plus sizes. There is a difference between the two. It took about five months to get to this point, and I’m proud of myself for how much I am accomplishing. Numbers really don’t mean a lot, but they are a gauge. I have seen gorgeous women wearing size 16s who look fit and healthy, but for me this is still too big, and I have a way to go to get to a healthy weight for my height. This is a definite improvement!
* * *
Oscar’s plot thickens. Apparently the Academy did ask Will Smith to leave after he struck Chris Rock, and he refused to go. The Academy is going to take the next few weeks to determine what, if any, type of consequence will be administered to Smith for his gross misconduct. Ideas are plentiful and varied about what type of punitive action to take to make it clear that the Academy does not condone violence and to ensure this type of behavior is not repeated. Had he left as requested, it would have been a much easier thing to decide. As it is now, who knows what will happen. The Academy’s weakness and ineffectiveness that evening may ultimately bring about a heftier penalty. My two cents, for what it’s worth, would be to let him keep the Oscar he won, but to expel him from membership in the Motion Picture Academy and suspend him from attending any future Academy Awards ceremonies for a specified number of years. Many are calling for Smith to be stripped of his Oscar, and I hope that does not happen. Violence is unacceptable, but there are other things that can be done that would be serious enough to make a point without going quite so far as to rob him of his well-deserved award. He clearly needs help, and I hope he gets it. Another thing that I would do if it were up to me is to quickly sign Chris Rock to host next year's event. Let him feel the full and complete support of the Academy behind him and be greeted with thunderous applause and a standing ovation of his own. It is time to mend fences and build bridges here.
Thinking about how to dole out fair disciplinary action in this type of situation reminds me of baseball’s Pete Rose. He had a long and illustrious career in the MLB and was a shoo-in for the Baseball Hall of Fame, but due to his illegal gambling on games he was barred for life from admittance in Cooperstown. It is a painful situation, but his behavior demanded a severe punishment. It is still so tragic thinking that his life’s work and his record of having the most hits in the MLB will not be recognized in the National Baseball Hall of Fame. There are consequences to our actions in life, and they can be brutally painful.
* * *
Something remarkable happened to me today. I found myself in complete agreement with fifty-three United States senators today. It happened when they confirmed Ketanji Brown Jackson to the United States Supreme Court. What a wonderful and proud day it was for our nation. Heartfelt congratulations to Judge Jackson!
* * *
The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences announced today that Will Smith is banned from any Academy events for the next ten years, and that they accepted his resignation from the Academy. They also accepted responsibility for their inaction after the unprecedented outburst and expressed their sorrow for this as well. This seems to me to be the best possible outcome, all things considered. Trust in the Academy to put on a good show should be quickly restored, and those involved, which also includes the home viewers, should benefit from this fairly quick resolution and begin to find closure. I can already visualize Chris Rock hosting next year’s Oscars, maybe decked out in an MLB catcher’s mask! Oh, the jokes he could make! Ratings will soar and all will be right in Mudville, as Rock can hit it out of the park!
Check-in 6:
Today is April 10, 2022, and I am not really looking forward to stepping on the scale this time. This month has been an emotionally challenging month for me. I have been dealing with a little bit of mild depression and although I have been very proactive in my attempts to minimize the severity of the feelings I am experiencing, they are still bubbling under the surface. Feelings of depression in the past led me to emotional overeating, including consuming massive amounts of high sugar junk food. I know that did not help anything. It was a destructive behavior choice and one I never want to repeat. There was also the recent recurrence of some Covid side effects that brought me down like more hair shedding that lasted for about two weeks. I thought I was done with that. Is that going to be how this works? Random periods of hair loss from time to time? And the weepy feelings are back in full swing, too. I feel on the verge of tears frequently. And then there is my biggest concern of all, my working memory and the fact that it is still a problem for me. Thinking that this may be a permanent condition is overwhelming to me.
Now on with the show…after weighing myself for the sixth month, I lost another three pounds. I am down a total of thirty-one pounds. For the last several days I have been going through my overstuffed closet to organize it better so I can get to the smaller sizes now that I have lost so much weight. I am eliminating the things that I don’t need and organizing it a bit better. Most of my smallest clothes are in storage, but my closet still contains multiple sizes. I got rid of most of the 2X/XXL tops, and the size 18 pants are out of here! Yes! The size 16 pants all seem to be fitting, just some are still a bit snug. I will have plenty of space in my closet once it only needs to have one size in it! Originally I thought giving a facelift to my closet would be a positive way to get my mind off the negativity for a brief period of time, but it has also made me see all the waste that gaining the weight created for me. Such a waste of my financial resources, and how sad it is that I felt I practically needed to wear a tent.
Not being able to take the long walks that I long for slices with a double-edged sword. Not only am I unable to get healthy exercise by adding more movement into my life, but I am unable to benefit from the reduction of depression from getting fresh air and sunshine, a change of scenery, and from the endorphins released from physical exercise. I definitely had higher expectations. I thought that by the time I was one-third of the way to my goal I would feel so much better. When I think about it, I do feel significantly better than I did six months ago, but just not quite what I expected. The sure-fire way for me to experience unhappiness is to have too high of expectations. Since this is how I roll, I need to learn how to take things as they come with more of a positive attitude. The high expectations created too much pressure. Also, no one knows if the brain fog from Covid is temporary, or if it is reversible. This is likely a part of the reason for my feelings of depression. There are also many daily horrors in the world, and they are overwhelmingly depressing. For me personally, part of the feelings I am experiencing may stem from a fear that this is as good as it is going to get. The thought of that terrifies me.
Peeling an onion often creates tears. Peeling away the protective layers in my life is exposing some of the raw pain. I never thought it was going to be pretty, and it’s not. But I can honestly say that I have no desire to consume unhealthy food in an attempt to comfort myself. I used to do that. It didn’t help. It practically destroyed my health and made me more susceptible to the ravaging effects of Covid. I have to focus on this thought for a moment. Although I have not been able to recover completely from the devastation of long Covid, I am responding to my emotional needs in a different way. Yes, I am feeling some minor depression, but I am not responding to those feelings in the same way. I am searching for positive solutions. This shows me that I have succeeded in changing my life by creating lifestyle changes. Sorrow will happen in life, but it is how we respond to it that defines us. I am now choosing positive ways to deal with the negativity. I have proven to myself that real change is possible! This is a life-altering epiphany for me.
Seventh Month:
The last several days have been much more positive for me. I feel like I have turned a corner in my life and am now on a better path. The realization that I am now beyond emotional eating, that it is a thing of the past, has given me a new sense of hopefulness. In addition to that, yesterday was an exciting day ushering in the birth of a beautiful new healthy family member. It was a long but joyous day. Another positive is that I realized that my hair shedding was likely due to feeling overwhelming stress last month, and as I tried more interventions, it did decrease. I remember that those studying the effects of long Covid stated that they thought there was a correlation between the two. I was able to reduce the stress levels and depression, and the hair shedding tapered off. Feeling a bit better about myself, I decided to take a few moments to switch purses to one for springtime, polish my toenails, and watch an entire Dodger game. Things are definitely on the upswing here.
* * *
Jackie Robinson Day at Dodger stadium is one of my favorite commemorations and celebrations during baseball season. Today Rachel Robinson, Jackie’s ninety-nine year old widow, was there and as beautiful as ever. I was looking forward to the game, but there was a little glitch. Apple TV is hosting Friday Night Baseball now, and they were the only show in town. I hate to say they ruined Jackie Robinson Day, but they kind of did—at least for me. Their coverage was less than magical, and the commentators during the game were so…well, less than I am used to. I kept wondering if any of them had ever even watched a baseball game before, it was that bad. I hate to be unkind, so I won’t say anything more about them. I started watching the game muted and listening to Dodger baseball on the radio. It was so out of sync that eventually I stopped watching and just looked at updates of the game periodically on my iPhone. Sigh.
* * *
Tomorrow is Easter Sunday. We are having a simple luncheon with family. My plan is to have a light breakfast, a reasonable lunch, and a quarter of a slice of lemon merengue pie. It is a special family holiday and I will participate in the festivities and family fun, but not in mindless overeating or in eating unhealthy foods. My simple fare will include a garden salad, turkey, potatoes, and broccoli. Easy peasy. Being with my loved ones is by far the biggest focus. It is no longer about the food, at least not for me.
* * *
Tonight. Dodger baseball. Kershaw on the mound. Joe Davis and Orel Hershiser announcing the game. I have a new smaller Dodger shirt to wear. I’m excited for the game. All is right with my little world.
* * *
There is a new movie out that I want to see. It is only playing at the theater and needs to be viewed on the big screen in my opinion, at least for the first viewing. I am beginning to think that I might be up to going to the movies—a public place! I am not sure yet, but it is in the planning stage. The first showing of the day is never crowded midweek at my local theater. This is a great sign that the mild depression is no longer an issue, and also that I am perhaps a bit less fearful of Covid. I love great films and seeing them in the theater as a shared experience is all a part of it—it’s been a long, long time.
* * *
Not all cauliflower pizzas are created equal. There is one brand, The Tattooed Chef, that has a cauliflower crust cheese pizza that is so good. The only negative is that it is not really low in calories, but it isn’t too high either. One quarter of a small pizza is the serving size and if you combine that with a nice big salad, then that makes a pretty good and healthy meal. I bought one once and I wanted to get it again, but it is so popular that my store is frequently out of that particular brand. I decided to try another similar looking frozen pizza—bad call. Not worth the calories, tasted kind of cardboard-like, and it is going to last for three more meals! It was not very appetizing and although I tried to share, there was no one willing to give it a try. Looks like I’m stuck with it.
* * *
I love eating healthy food! People around me eat a lot of the foods I used to crave and consume, and I never feel envious. I am grateful that I no longer eat junk! Chips? Don’t want ‘em. Cookies? Never give them a thought. Soda? Nope. Highly processed foods, hydrogenated oils, and added sugars? No, no, and no way! And y’all, I’m only in my seventh month. It didn’t take that long to totally revamp my diet. By gradually replacing the unhealthy foods with healthier substitutes, it was painless. I never really missed them. And of course, I know that if there is ever a time that I really want something, I can have it. I just need to work it out on my daily plan. The best news is that I truly enjoy eating the healthier foods. I feel so much better. It is great not having cravings and sugar withdrawals. I am not saying that I eat perfect like some infallible health guru, not that I would mind that at all, but compared to where I was at, WOW! It has been a complete turnaround. I still have occasion to grab some foods at fast food restaurants, but always the healthiest choices available. El Pollo Loco’s double chicken avocado salad is a healthy choice. I use salsa instead of the dressing, and it is only about 300 calories and chock-full of lean protein. And the cobb salad at Chick-fil-a with grilled chicken and light dressing for just a few calories more is also still a favorite. Overall, I eat very fresh and minimally processed foods. The rewards are huge!
This is the first time in my life that I have truly believed that I am succeeding in becoming a healthier version of myself, and that this new way of life is here to stay. I have complete confidence in myself for the first time ever! It feels so good.
* * *
Major League Baseball has suspended pitcher Trevor Bauer for two years for violating the league’s domestic violence and sexual assault policy. It appears he was able to bamboozle the legal system, but his antics failed to impress the MLB. For me personally, a dark and heavy cloud has been lifted and the sun can shine through again. While I am a huge Dodgers fan…you can probably tell that by now, I am an even greater fan of women and our right to live assault-free lives! The legal system failed to protect women from one who could be called a predator, but the MLB came through to the extent that they are able. Whatever events occurred in this man’s life for him to get to this point, I will never know. I feel fairly certain that he has experienced pain in his life, and he needs help…not likely he will ever seek the help he needs. Many do face greater punishments for these types of behaviors than being prevented from playing a game for two years. He should consider himself lucky. I am inclined to think that a smart person might look ahead to the future and realize they need to accept this suspension with as much dignity as they can muster, seek psychological intervention, and do what can be done to heal their wounds and help others. The most likely scenario is that he will continue to rant and rave and stomp his feet and blame others. All I can say is that I no longer have to fear seeing him wear a Dodgers uniform ever again—he’s outta there—and I am truly thankful for that.
* * *
The post-exertion malaise still keeps me from checking off things on my to-do list. I’m just trying to get things back in order around here but no matter how many times I tell myself I think I can, I think I can, I actually can’t. The fatigue has been worse the last couple of weeks than it has been the last few months. Setbacks happen. I’m trying not to make a big deal out of it, but can’t help wondering…how long will this continue? My overall health seems to be improving. It is the symptoms of long Covid that have turned my world upside down like a kid with a piggy bank, shaking out their last nickel. I feel depleted.
* * *
It only took one tweet to bring back the memories of the slap heard round the world. Apparently Will Smith’s smack to vindicate his wife from the not so vicious joke that likened her to another gorgeous, badass woman has emboldened others to jump into the limelight and physically attack those who try to bring a little levity into our lives. My first thought was Oh, no! Did Dave Chappelle tell a GI Jane joke, too?! All kidding aside, this most recent attacker was in possession of a knife. Comedy can be a scary business already with the hecklers and tomato tossers, but now physical attacks are becoming all too common. I already decided against my initial gut-level response of a general boycott of all things Will Smith. He seems to have a lot to deal with already, and he appears to have accepted the disciplinary actions imposed upon him graciously. But the imagery is burned into the frontal lobes of our collective brains and any time an audience member jumps onstage, Will Smith’s Oscar winning attention-seeking attack replays. The personal cost to most of us is infinitesimally tiny, but for those in the entertainment business it has added another layer to their list of very real concerns. One thing seems clear, this isn’t going to go away any time soon. The aftermath of violence hangs heavily in the air; it lingers long after we want to move on, with far reaching repercussions.
* * *
For the first time in months I got a burger with cheese and a bun and bacon and the works. I planned for it and I enjoyed it, although not nearly as much as I thought I would. It was good, but not great. I always tell myself that if I really want something I just need to plan for it and I can have it, so that is what I did. Actually, it was more like meh. I can take it or leave it. Again, this started with a bombardment of commercials. Commercials are powerful and anyone can succumb to their wily ways. Future sporting events will find the volume muted during advertisements…I don’t need beer or burgers! The takeaway from this is that I realized that there are foods that I no longer eat, but I am not missing anything by choosing to eat healthier foods. The new healthier eating is more enjoyable to me, and I actually felt sluggish after eating the burger. Certain foods may be missing from my diet, but I am not missing out. No FOMO for me! I can still have anything that I really want and thankfully I don’t seem to really want the less healthy foods anymore.
Check-in 7:
Today is May 10, 2022, and it’s time to get on the scale and see one form of the proof of my recent success on the healthy life plan. Going down two pants sizes, never experiencing indigestion anymore, feeling better overall, and looking better are even better gauges of my lifestyle change success, but the numbers on the scale still seem to validate the progress. I just finished my seventh month on my Healthy Life Plan, and I am down about another 4 pounds. That is a total of 35.2 pounds in all. It really shows and I am loving my new way of life so much!
One way I helped myself expand my food choices is by not counting the calories in healthy foods that I thought I didn’t like. There is a motivation there that was very helpful to me. For example, I have never been a fan of eating fresh tomatoes. I used to pull the tomato slice out of sandwiches and burgers when we’d go out to eat, and they’d always be left on my salad plates as well. They are so healthy and I read they even help reduce the risks of some forms of cancer, so clearly I needed to get over my tomato aversion. I started adding fresh tomatoes to my salads and not counting the calories at all. Since I enjoy making delicious huge salads, that was a positive. At first I added four grape tomatoes, then eight, and before long I was adding about twelve grape tomatoes to each salad and I now actually love them! If anyone would have told me last year that I would enjoy eating tomatoes, I’d have thought they were either crazy or maybe manipulative! This is my best tip for the month: select a healthy food you think you dislike, add it to your meal plan repeatedly without counting the calories so you’re getting something “free”, and then see how you feel about that food after about a month. It has also worked for me with spinach, kale, and blackberries! It isn’t that blackberries tasted bad to me, I just found the seeds annoying so they were on my unwritten list of foods to avoid. Well, not anymore. They are so healthful and the seeds are a very minor inconvenience not worth mentioning.
Once I reached the one-third mark on the way to my goal weight, I decided to take a few pictures. I am not sure how I really feel about actually using them on here, but just in case I decide to post them, I want to have them available. Looking in the mirror facing forward I can see the huge difference in my weight already, but when I take a peek of the rearview, I am significantly less thrilled. My close family members think that the difference is great and that it comes through in the photos, so the next set will be taken at the half-way point and so on, and then when I reach my final goal. At that point I will most likely decide to post them to encourage others if it seems like it will be beneficial. I’m not making any promises here. This will take a lot of courage on my part. Right now I am leaning towards posting them, but I have several months to figure it out.
Looking at losing a large amount of weight can seem impossible, even insurmountable, if you look at the total amount, but breaking it down into manageable segments helps. At first I just thought in terms of five pound increments and getting myself a little something special to keep it positive and maybe a little bit fun, knowing they would all add up and help me reach my long-term goals. Then I started thinking in terms of fourths. It didn’t take all that long to get to that goal. With smaller goals along the way I felt encouraged by my frequent successes. It has never felt like drudgery or self-denial, and I still never allow myself to go hungry. Since my calorie range has quite a few loopholes, I end up consuming more most days, and that is okay with me. The weight loss would be faster if I were strictly adhering to a specific calorie amount, but then it may not be sustainable. I want long-term weight loss that is sustainable and painless, and that educates my palate to desire more healthful foods. The details of this may be boring to some, I don’t know, but I want it to be as replicatable as possible for others, so I am including the steps that I took and my thought processes along the way. I am doing this and you can, too! Please feel encouraged!
Since I started this program there are many things that I don’t miss. I just thought that I’d mention a few of them. I no longer experience and/or miss indigestion, Tums, constipation, bloating, sluggishness, uncomfortable overtight clothes, rising cholesterol levels, and nervousness. There are probably many more things that I no longer have to deal with, but this is a pretty good list for starters. If there is anything holding you back from giving yourself a fighting chance with your health, just let it go, get rid of it. Trust me, it's not worth it. Nothing feels as good as being your healthiest self!
Eighth Month
Someone I don’t know, distantly related to me by marriage, just thirty years old, was recently lost to Covid. She was significantly overweight. The obesity epidemic in the US needs to be quickly addressed by those in power who care enough to create real change. People need help. Obesity rates continue to increase, Covid is here for the long-haul…do the math. Becoming addicted to the crap allowed in our “food” shouldn’t be a death sentence. There are countries in the world that limit advertisements of junk food and ads that target children. Australia, the Philippines, Thailand, the United Kingdom, Sweden, Norway, and the Province of Quebec in Canada put limitations on advertisers. The junk food industry in the United States is huge and powerful and ads promoting their obesity making, cancer causing, nutrient deficient consumables meet with little resistance. It is challenging losing the excess weight, especially with all of the ads, but not impossible. Remember that inner marine we've talked about before? Well, it's time once again to improvise, adapt, and overcome. It's time to kick a little Madison Avenue ass.
We need to face the fact that the government may never help us with this. We will likely continue to face this multi-billion-dollar industry on our own. We need a plan. Let’s decrease the influence of advertisers by taking them out of the equation as much as possible. Let the mute button become your new best friend and mute the commercials—at least the ones promoting food and beverages. Even better, watch less television overall and play more games, read more books, and get more activity in your life. Teach your family that advertising exists to sell or promote something, and it may not be anything that you want or need in your life at all. Learn to recognize the exaggerations and misrepresentations of many ads. Most toothpastes will not make you the most popular person around, most cars will not get you a supermodel mate, and is it really our goal to create green-eyed monsters of our peers? Really? Also, do not subscribe to media that target kids with their advertisements. Do we really want our kids eating the kind of sugar-filled garbage targeted at them? Their health is our responsibility. Recently I unsubscribed to a massive amount of junk email spewing accounts that I don’t want to hear from anymore. It took a little bit of time, but now there are fewer deletes each morning. And while you’re at it, you may want to disable pop-up ads, too. You’ll never miss them! It’s time to let our homes become a safe, relatively ad-free space, a place where your families can relax and enjoy time together.
You could even use some of this newfound time to make your own family commercials promoting healthful eating. Each family member can select a healthy food item they like, then film them pitching it to the rest of the family. Select new foods each week. This could be a great way to get the kids involved and to help them take ownership of your new healthy eating plan! Let’s beat advertisers at their own game! We can also welcome friends and family over for low or no added sugar potlucks and barbeques. We can make delicious healthful foods the next new cool thing. Now I am not talking about shaming families for giving their kids cupcakes. I’m just thinking that it might be beneficial to show an alternative to all the massive amounts of junk we consume on a regular basis. Agree to bring healthful snacks to kids sporting events. Pass on soda altogether. There’s just no way around that one. Nothing redeemable in soda I’m afraid. Remember, their goal is to keep you and your children addicted to their excessive sugar, artificial sweeteners, and their caffeine. No, no, and no thanks! They are slick. These advertisers make so much money! Stay a step ahead of them. Mute food and drink commercials, block and unsubscribe to ads you don’t want. Ignore the soda aisle in the supermarket. Never order the “meals” at fast food restaurants. Go ahead and order your burger and fries (for now), but don’t say yes to the meal! A soda doesn't turn your fast-food items into a meal! You know all the gorgeous supermodels that are in the ads? Do you think they put that junk in their beautiful bodies? I don’t think so! Remember, it will get easier as you go. I never struggle with any foods or junk items anymore. It feels so great! I feel so free!
* * *
My favorite things to eat right now are salad kits. I love how easy they are to prepare, how low they are in calories, and that they are nutrient dense. Initially I used the dressings in the kit, just a lesser amount, but now I use significantly lower calorie dressings. I like to add a little feta cheese, a few kalamata olives, and some fresh spinach to the Caesar salad kit and top it with the low-calorie salad dressing Bernstein’s Light Cheese Fantastico. It has only twenty-five calories per serving. Another favorite is the kale vegetable salad kit. I add a lot of grape tomatoes, a few green olives, and Newman’s Own Light Balsamic dressing. The poppyseed dressing it comes with is very good, but right now I’d rather use my calories for other things, so this works for me. I also enjoy a southwest salad kit that I top with salsa. I never count the calories in salsa anyway, so that is an added perk for this one! I love just about anything and everything with salsa! I will often add a little chicken on the side or some other type of protein food to enjoy with my salads. They make my life a little easier, tastier, and a lot healthier!
* * *
There is nothing more powerful than a mother’s love, at least this mother’s love. It is strong enough to overcome all obstacles. It is even able to erase possibly unwarranted fears of any Covid sequels. Last night I attended an awards presentation with my daughter in a sold-out theater. There must have been at least eight hundred people in attendance. If you have been following along since the beginning, you know how challenging this was for me. My daughter was presented with a prestigious award, and I wouldn’t have missed it for anything. The enormous pride that I felt as I looked at the lovely young woman sitting next to me as the room erupted into applause when her name was called is so full of emotions too real, too raw to be translated here. She is an amazing person, and I am filled with immense joy that she is respected, loved, and appreciated by those around her. Life is different now, but I see that I am able to adapt to the new Covid coexistence. I am thankful that I didn’t allow myself to be robbed of sharing this moment with my daughter. My booster should still be effective, but I am a tiny bit anxious to get the next one. Should be sometime early summer which I hope takes me through the potential fall onslaught.
* * *
This book doesn't contain any magic formulas. As much as I’d like it to, there is no “bibbity-bobbity-boo.” It really won't help anyone who doesn't want to make changes in their life. If someone really wants to make real change towards better health, then there are things in this book that can possibly help them. For those who have tried numerous diets over the years and ended up believing that it is impossible to lose weight, the truth is that it is impossible to lose weight and keep it off if you want to go back to doing just what you were doing before! There is no magic to it. If your habits caused you to gain too much weight, then you must change your habits. It really is as simple as that. If you go back to your original habits, you will regain the weight. I have discovered a few things that have helped me change habits that contributed to an unhealthy lifestyle. We are all different, but once you see the types of things I'm talking about, you can look at your unique issues and figure out what might help in those challenging areas. We will never get in better shape than we are in today without taking the first step. For me, that first step was making the decision to become the healthiest me that I can be! Once I made that decision, the rest was just formulating my plan and seeing it through the best way possible. Go ahead and take that first step. Do not get hung up on perfection, remember, perfection is not the goal. Do your best and keep going. Forgive yourself quickly when you stumble, then pick yourself up and keep going. You will arrive at your destination as long as you remain mindful of your decision to choose your best health, and in a way, that does feel magical.
Maybe your difficulties are not addressed in this book, which is very possible since I wrote it specifically for my issues. Maybe you are struggling, for instance, with using a lot of creamers and sweeteners and things in your morning coffee, and you’re drinking three cups or more per day. Since I don’t drink coffee, there are no tips about that specific challenge. I might suggest that drinking two cups of coffee per day is a goal, and that you may want to reduce your cream and sugar by cutting the amount in half to start with. Limiting the cups of coffee to two reduces a significant number of calories right off the bat, and you can try replacing that third cup with a nice herbal tea. I am not a fan of artificial sweeteners at all and would hate to send anyone down that path, but many people do use them. Gradual changes can be easier to implement and maintain long term. Continue reducing the amount of cream and sugar you add to your cup o’ joe in the morning until you are drinking it black, or I think that I would prefer to adjust my taste to eventually enjoying coffee with just a little milk. A cup of coffee has almost no calories at all, whereas a coffee drink from a barista can top over four hundred calories! A reduction of twelve hundred calories per day is significant. That one change alone could result in a weight loss of about two pounds per week! Whatever your specific concerns are, there are numerous ways you can make changes to reduce caloric intake, increase nutritional values, and become your healthiest self.
* * *
The number of new Covid cases has dropped over the last few months and most of us have breathed a bit easier because of it. I was feeling so much better about the whole thing that I even enjoyed the special event last week with my daughter that I mentioned before. Today I received a notification on my phone that I was exposed to Covid at the event. Well, it has been eight days so far and no signs of anything here. I am vaccinated, boosted, and I wore a mask the entire evening…three and a half hours in a crowded theater. So there’s that. Then my former husband let me know today that he now has Covid. I don't think he is in any of the high-risk groups, so he should be fine. No reason to catastrophize the situation. The moral of the story is: NEVER LET YOUR GUARD DOWN! It truly is a horrible, potentially deadly virus for many of us, and similar to a nasty flu bug for the majority. It isn’t done with us yet. It is still reconfiguring itself and hitting us with all its might. We are all Covid weary, but it’s still very much a part of our daily lives. We’re sick of it, and yet it is still in full-out attack mode. Do all you can to protect yourself and your loved ones from getting this. Our elderly are already at a greater risk. We need to protect them in every way possible. Those with preexisting conditions are also in greater danger from Covid, and just like with our elderly population, we need to be there for those at greater risk and help them make it through. Then there are some of us who are at greater risk of severe illness and death because of our weight. Many of us can do something about that to help ourselves. I am no longer severely obese, and before long I won’t be obese at all. I am staying focused on the prize here. Please be encouraged to join me on this journey to becoming our healthiest selves. We can give ourselves a fighting chance and help others beat this thing, too.
* * *
One way I deal with the stressful things happening around us is to write about them here. Another way I deal with them is by limiting my exposure to many of the horrors of the world by not watching the news, but I don’t live in a bubble—I don’t want to live in a bubble, either. Sometimes we just have to attempt to process the atrocities of the world as best we can. Last week there was another mass shooting in which many innocent lives were lost. I wrote about it, but my writing was so full of anger, blame, and hate that I was unable to post it here. I realized how bad it was when I told my wise council that I didn’t care if I alienated racists anyway. Who cares if they stay obese and get Covid?! They were trying to point out to me the need to be a bit more gracious, but I am not feeling like showing any grace right now. And that, my friends, made me a part of the problem. I never want to contribute to the hate in the world. I like to think of myself as more of a pacifist, but in truth, I am the worst pacifist you’ve ever seen. I can’t post what I wrote because it is too offensive to those I hold responsible—they of course do not see themselves that way. I have tried to rewrite it several times, but it always ends up at the same place…kind of like where this is going right now if I don’t stop. Maybe I can say this. If anyone believes they are better than anyone else, they need a reality check. We are all equal and equally valuable. We all have the same basic needs and many of the same wants. We all have the right to pursue happiness in a world that is free of bullying, abuse, and violence.
I’ve got to say, stripping down to the deep down uglies is really hard. Vulnerability is really hard. My core belief system is anti-hate, anti-racism, and pro forgiveness, kindness and respect to all. My current reality is intense animosity, maybe hatred, toward large groups of those I view as perpetuating the hate and violence. There is a conflict here that I cannot reconcile. Not long ago I was able to honestly say that I didn’t hate anyone, and now I can think of many that can make that statement untrue. But perhaps I was only fooling myself, deluding myself to think better of myself than I should. We have choices in life. I choose to not live a life filled with hate, even if it appears to be justifiable. I can choose to hate the actions and not the people…I just don’t know how to make that a reality right now.
* * *
5/24/2022…no words.
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Well, it has now been fourteen days since my recent exposure to Covid, and I'm thankful that I have no symptoms. I remained masked the entire time we were in the theater. If anyone doubts the effectiveness of masks, I am a firm believer in their ability to make us safer from Covid…at least the N95s...when worn properly. I was protected although exposed, and when I had Covid, all of those on my medical team wore masks and were fine. While they are not one hundred percent effective, they reduce the risk significantly, and when used in combination with immunizations, hand washing/sanitizing, and social distancing, we are as protected as we are likely to be.
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It has been less than two weeks since the Buffalo, NY massacre, followed by the Laguna Woods church shooting the very next day. Then another mass school shooting, this time in a small community in Texas. We must demand that immediate significant changes be made to gun laws. Enough, enough, enough! We must facilitate adequate mental health support, update schools with state-of-the-art security systems, and pour ourselves into our young people. There are so many people in pain. There is no one answer to this horrific problem, but just because something isn’t going to be easy doesn’t mean that we throw our hands up in the air and say oh well! We have to dissect the issues causing the violence and find workable solutions now. Politicians look out for themselves. We must remove each and every politician from office who does not immediately address the gun violence issues facing our nation, or who dares vote against gun reform! We are sick to death after death after death of their rhetoric! Protect our children! Protect our elderly! Protect all of our people!! That is it…anything short of that and they are out of there!
* * *
People have asked me why the healthy life plan is so easy for me, and why losing weight is relatively easy now when it seemed so impossible in the past. Some have mentioned that 1200 calories per day, give or take, isn’t a lot. They think they would feel hungry most of the time. From the beginning I was determined to find answers to my issues with overeating and emotional eating and get to a healthy weight because I had a near-death experience and was not ready to call it quits just yet. The reality of Covid and its effects on the overweight population hit home for me. Losing weight was no longer a matter of appearance and health issues that naively seemed fairly removed from my day-to-day concerns. So the urgency of the problem certainly had a lot to do with my motivation. I gave consideration to each area that I saw as a personal struggle and found ways to combat the problems. I really learned the importance of knowing my motivations and goals. As far as my daily caloric intake, 1200 calories may not seem like a lot, but it can be. It all depends on what foods are selected. I learned to eliminate a lot of the extra fluff added to foods to reduce their caloric content. The double chicken avocado salad at El Pollo Loco that I enjoy is only 310 calories without the dressing. Do I like the dressing? Sure, but not enough to add all those extra calories. I top mine off with salsa and still enjoy it. It is a very satisfying, high protein, low calorie meal. One of the biggest nutritional helps has been learning that twenty grams of protein at every meal is key. I have a minimum of sixty grams of protein every day which helps stave off feelings of hunger. I have never gone hungry even once since beginning the healthy life plan! Also, I no longer turn my nose up at healthy, low-calorie vegetables. I have learned to overcome many food aversions by not counting the calories they contain. That is one way of having more food and learning to eventually enjoy a wider variety of foods. In the scheme of things, having up to fifty calories more per day of healthy veggies means nothing compared to learning to enjoy more healthful foods. I enjoy huge salads each day that have maybe 200 calories each. They are quite beautiful when I get done with them, and very healthy and low calorie. That 1200 calories per day is sufficient for me. Someone who is very active would likely need more. Most men would need more according to the material I have looked at. It will vary on an individual basis, but that amount works for me. It really boils down to making the decision to be my healthiest self, staying on that path, and not worrying about the amount of time it takes to reach my destination. That is now my life goal, and it supersedes just about everything else.
* * *
There is a new-to-me movie out about a severely obese teen and the challenges he faces in life due to his size. It is called Butter and is available to stream now. It shows the pain of judgments based solely on outward appearance, towards both the overweight and the attractive, and that much can be missed by discarding those who do not fit our ideal. It was perhaps a bit generous regarding the willingness of others to quickly change their views and reconsider stereotypes, but they made an attempt to show the damage done by exclusion and bullying. The main character did show that he used food, massive quantities of food, to deal with the pain he endured. Unlike many obese people, he had quite a few people around him trying to help him. It isn’t always that way. The character did not really want to commit suicide, but he was done dealing with life at over 420 pounds. I think the movie showed part of the problem with toxic positivity as well. Many people are well-meaning, but they are at a loss as to how to help and the platitudes are meaningless. What came shining through the film were the benefits of acceptance of others. When the young man felt accepted by more of his peers and understood a bit better by his family members, he was able to make better choices for himself. Isolation was too painful, rejection impossible. The film is listed as a comedy, but it is much more tragedy than comedic. Overall the film was fairly predictable and simplistic with an after-school-special quality about it, but I applaud their efforts in spotlighting this serious societal issue with compassion.
* * *
The bad thing about mask mandates is that for some reason there is a group of people who seem to lose all consideration for others and rebel against logic and science as they demand their rights to choose—mask or no mask. Mandates can bring out the very worst in some people. The good thing about mandates to wear masks is that people like me are able to join in on the fun, too. So many people are immunocompromised and have to stay away from unmasked events; their risks are much greater. Masks do help to significantly reduce the spread of Covid. From what I’ve seen, caring people wear masks more often, if not for themselves, then for the protection of those around them who may need it more.
* * *
When I checked out professional football’s number one quarterback Tom Brady to discover the secret to his amazing physical prowess, there was emphasis placed on an anti-inflammatory diet. I think I attributed that mostly to his being an athlete and the repeated injuries sustained on the field that could certainly cause a lot of inflammation! I’ve been looking into it a bit more recently and discovered that there is a lot more to it than that. There is reason for all of us to learn more about a diet rich in anti-inflammatory foods. Inflammation can lead to many diseases, and some of the main causes are diet related. According to Harvard.edu, foods that cause inflammation include refined carbs, fried foods, red meat, processed meat, soda, and the fats lard, shortening, and margarine. It stands to reason really. We already know these items are not good for us. I hung on to my miracle b (microwavable bacon) longer than I should have. As my diet has gotten healthier, that has fallen by the side of the road on this woman’s journey! Also, I have been known to have the occasional hot dog. Not really a favorite, so that will be easy to avoid in the future. Red meat has also been significantly reduced from my diet, mainly because it is higher in calories. I probably consume a small serving or two of red meat per month now. As far as the rest of the list goes, I’m in the clear. I never consume any of the other items listed. But what about the foods that reduce inflammation? I’m looking to undo some of the damage possibly done, so I want to add as many of these healthy foods to my grocery list as possible! The good news is, they are already on there! Anti-inflammatory foods include things like fruits, leafy green veggies, nuts, tomatoes, olive oil, and fatty fish. Think largely plant-based foods and eliminate most processed stuff. Eat a colorful diet rich in antioxidants, and don’t forget to get Omega-3s, according to Mayoclinic.org. All that highly refined, sugar-filled processed junk food we’ve talked about in the past? Full of inflammation-causing garbage—they're outta here! By eliminating so many of these unhealthy items months ago, we were helping our bodies even more than we knew! These helpful nutritional tidbits have been discussed by many for some time now, but for me, they were tuned out. It’s like I kept receiving invitations to join in the party, but I was always to busy to go. Now that I have been attuned to all things nutrition related, I am not only at the party, I am leading the conga line! Life is good.
* * *
It’s been a while since I’ve evaluated my remaining post-Covid conditions. I am generally feeling better overall. I still experience the dizzy, lightheaded feeling sometimes when I get up or lie down. It is brief but attention grabbing. My doctor performed an EKG on me and various other procedures to rule out other concerns. It appears to be related to post-Covid. Thankfully it happens less often now. Shortness of breath still occurs, but rarely now. I’m not entirely sure if the condition has improved that much or if I just am not getting enough movement to activate it, but it is rare and less severe. There is a noticeable difference now; I can carry on a conversation while walking to my car without gasping for breath. It is difficult to gauge the “brain fog”, but it appears to be significantly improved. My memory has sustained significant damage that I still hope is temporary. I have kept a daily chart of my blood oxygenation levels for about three months, and it rarely dips below 96 percent now. The most frequent level is 97 percent. That is not the norm from my pre-Covid days of 99-100 percent, but at least it is within the normal range once again. The condition that I still experience on a routine basis is post-exertional malaise, but even that is improved. Pacing myself is still a huge part of my daily life. If I exert myself too much, I will pay dearly for it. But I no longer gauge a good day by being able to shower and get dressed! I can do that and several more things most days. About fifteen minutes per activity is a good gauge, then take it easy for a while before attempting another task. The other post-Covid conditions discussed previously seem to have returned to normal these past several months, like I no longer cry watching a Hallmark commercial, no matter how sappy. This is a positive update and I feel encouraged by the improvements in my condition. Keeping stress under control is an important part of my day. An increase in stress levels seems to be directly related to the severity of my post-Covid conditions. For those of you who are still experiencing symptoms of long Covid, I hope you are seeing huge improvements, too, but if not, relax as best as you can and try not to worry excessively. Post-Covid syndrome is complex, and recovery can take quite a long time. From my experiences, improvements are possible and are greater the more well-rested and relaxed I am. Pacing myself and controlling stress levels are key to recovery.
* * *
My local paper published a helpful article today about long-haul Covid symptoms. The medical world is discovering more about the condition, but there is no “cure” for it yet. It is helpful to know that the medical community is working on this, and that as the dust settles the issues are becoming more organized, categorized, labeled, and brought to light. With so many people experiencing similar symptoms, it can’t be ignored for long I suppose. Most of the article is stating the things I have already learned for myself, but there are helpful nuggets tucked in here and there. One key help for me is learning that breathing problems can be related to atrophy in the diaphragm which is hindered by inflammation! A couple of days ago I wrote about the improvement in my breathing, which would coincide with my anti-inflammatory diet. Thank you, Tom Brady! This is huge information that could help thousands and thousands of people. I am also practicing diaphragmatic breathing now to help strengthen the area and see if that shows greater improvement. Even the gradual use of an exercise bike is discussed in the article, which you may remember I wrote about a few months ago. Validation feels good, because I really didn’t know if that was going to be helpful, but it made sense to me. They wrote about “deconditioning” and how it relates to the dizziness that I experience. A way to help with that, according to the American College of Cardiology, is to drink more fluids and have more salt…I have been reducing my sodium intake, so I got that one wrong. I am going to discuss this with my doctor before going crazy with the saltshaker, but this never would have even been on the radar for me at all. Lowering expectations, managing stress levels, prioritizing everything, and pacing myself have been among the most valuable things learned the last nine months or so, and the article mentions these things as well. This is the best piece of advice I could give to another post-Covid sufferer.
* * *
According to the New York Times, the House passed a bill aimed at stopping the runaway gun violence in our country. The bill is supposed to stop the sale of large-capacity magazines and prevent those under the age of 21 from purchasing semiautomatic weapons. Is this going to be enough? Looking at this from a scientific perspective, the brain isn’t fully developed until approximately age 25, so if we are using age as a factor, scientific studies might suggest the minimum age to purchase a potentially devastating weapon is closer to 25…the age when people usually have a fully developed brain. But even with that, what does a 25-year-old or a 30-year-old or a 40-year-old or any aged person need with an AR15? Will this bill be enough to make an impact? According to the Times, it doesn’t make much difference…they don’t expect the bill to pass the Senate anyway. What chance do we have when our lawmakers are unable to pass laws to at least deter the slaughter of innocent children? How can these people sleep at night? I do not believe the 2nd Amendment intended for private citizens to own their own tanks, nuclear warheads, or AR15s. Our private citizens do not need weapons of war for hunting or home security. Period.
Check-in 8:
Today is June 10, 2022, and I look forward to stepping on the scale to see what a winner I am this month by being such a big loser…loser of pounds, that is! Do I ever go hungry? No. Do I ever feel left out of celebrations? No. Do I ever miss unhealthy processed junk food, sodas, and fast food? Not one bit! My life is better in so many ways AND I lost another five pounds!! That means I am now down forty pounds and some change! This is the kind of loser I love to be! I will be at the halfway mark fairly close to my birthday, which will be cause for a huge celebration for me! It wasn’t all that long ago that I was a sugar fiend and a fast-food frequent flyer! The healthy life plan has helped me get a grip on my overeating, my unhealthy eating, and completely revamp my lifestyle. I am now on the path to good health, and I feel so much better! If I can do it, just about anyone can do it! Come on in, the water’s fine!
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Ninth Month
Now that I’m down forty pounds and looking and feeling so much better, I was told by a close family member today that I looked so great that I deserved a medal! That little affirmation made me feel very positive about myself. I laughed and said that when I reach my goal, I’ll take that medal!
* * *
Time for the second booster. I prepared everything in advance. Comfy, cozy chair, remote, and pillows: check; simple, healthy meals ready to go: check; boxes of tissue everywhere: check. I’m set. I got it this afternoon. I’ll be fine in a couple of days—no big deal.
* * *
The Covid vaccines are no walk in the park for me, but I'll be fine. I had about a day and a half of feeling miserable with a low-grade fever, body aches, nausea, sniffles, and feeling very tired, now I just feel weak and beat up a little bit. I still don’t feel like eating much and I had to force myself to reach one thousand calories today. But this vaccine was easier than my past three, so that’s good news. I’m about twenty-five pounds lighter than I was when I got my first booster, and I think that may have helped. When I need the next booster, I’ll be in even better shape so it may be a piece of cake! Although we already know, it isn’t always a piece of cake! Things aren’t always easy, and the answer is not sweet treats! I do anticipate it becoming easier and easier as I get closer to being my healthiest self. Stay on top of your boosters to give yourself an extra layer of protection and to help protect those around you. I’ve had Covid, long Covid/post-Covid syndrome, and four Covid vaccines. Trust me, Covid is the worst! For me, the vaccines are similar to experiencing about a day or two of Covid-light, not close to the severity of having the real deal. It is something that you want to avoid. Do everything in your power to avoid ever getting Covid. There are many, many people who only experience mild to moderate flu-like symptoms, and that’s great for them, but you never know how it will affect you. I’ve heard of a number of healthy adults in their thirties that have succumbed to the horrors of Covid-19. It is not worth the gamble.
* * *
Inching back to my pre-booster self. Still a bit weak and tired, and most food does not sound appealing to me—not even a little bit. Still experiencing nausea off and on. Finally discovered something I wanted to eat for lunch. I had half of a grilled cheese sandwich. It was satisfying and didn’t increase my nausea. I did need a short nap this afternoon, but don’t anticipate this becoming a recurring thing again. Enough calories were consumed today that I didn’t trigger the warning message from MyFitnessPal; I had enough water today, as well. Doing my best.
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Stupid things we do come back to kick us in the conscience when we gain an awareness and maybe a deeper understanding of their repercussions. I remember hearing before that “ignorance is no excuse in the eyes of the law," but what about ignorance of pop culture or today’s social norms? I mentioned before that for the last several decades, I really don’t watch much commercial television, and this has left me out of numerous societal watercooler convos. After reading a newsletter today by a writer I follow, I thought my brain would explode from reading about the television programs that many people are consumed with. I know I am the oddball here. I don’t like small talk, and I am not interested in gossip or gossipy shows—not even a little bit. Most people do and are, but I cannot fathom why—this is perhaps fairly predictable given my extremely introverted ways. Anyway, apparently these shows are another way we show our dislike of one another and our intolerance of those who are different from who we think we are. I have never watched any of today's popular "reality" television shows, but I've heard of them. From what I understand, the common threads are mean-spiritedness, spitefulness, jealousies, racism. These so-called reality shows also appear to mirror the negatives that permeate our society. One woman was dumped from some show when it became public knowledge that she attended an Old South style frat party. This reminded me of the photos I saw a few years ago of frat parties in which everyone dressed up like stereotypical gang members. They all appeared to be white males standing there proudly displaying their gold chains and fake tatts, wearing low-hanging baggy pants and "wife beaters", and throwing gang signs. Is imitation truly the greatest form of flattery or is it more of mockery? Do we chalk this up to boys will be boys, or do we recognize these types of behaviors as possibly something worse and much more damaging? By 2018, it does not seem unreasonable to believe that college age students should be aware enough to know that that type of behavior is not okay, that it is hurtful to others, and that it perpetuates hate and separatism. Was that the bigger goal? That is the most hurtful part of it all, thinking that the objective was precisely that: separate and decidedly unequal.
I went to a Greek Toga frat party when I was nineteen. It was basically a group of European Americans dressed up like ancient Europeans drinking beer. It was a popular theme back then due to the recently released film Animal House. Fraternities and sororities are a part of the Greek life, so no harm, no foul...maybe. I raised my kids having theme parties all the time. Under the Sea, Western, Spa, Outer space, Superhero, Luau, and so on. There was never anything negative about the themes, but I wonder if the luau theme could be considered cultural appropriation? We did hire a group of Polynesian dancers to perform and teach the kids how to hula. It was perfectly respectful and educational and out of all the many different cultural backgrounds present, no one considered anything inappropriate. I think it is so important for young people to learn about other cultures, to appreciate and respect other people, and to see we are all very similar with our own unique qualities. A few years ago, I was part of a group project in college in which we selected a country to report about to the rest of the class. We selected Nigeria. We had the idea to wear these cool looking Nigerian shirts in various colors for our presentation, but just to be sure it wouldn’t be offensive to anyone, I asked a very knowledgeable friend of mine who is from Nigeria. She said that it was not a problem at all and that it was a positive thing. We worked hard, did a great job, and it was a positive experience for everyone there. I still feel unsure about where the line is drawn in the cultural appropriation issue. I like to be open about things, to learn as much as I can and to educate those close to me. The racially motivated theme parties of today seem to have a decidedly negative quality about them, a flagrant disregard for the feelings of others as they promote stereotypical behaviors and smallminded caricatures of minority cultures. For now, I think I see intent as the predominant difference—notice I didn't say the only difference. When we see the positives about groups and learn that we have so much in common with all people, and to respect and appreciate the unique differences, for me that cements the words of Oprah Winfrey,"...that there is no them - there's only us."
* * *
Oh, great. I guess I am totally out of step with a new movement towards acceptance. I am all about acceptance of others, but by writing this book and holding the views that I have about carrying unhealthy excess weight, I fear I am going to be cast into the fire of political correctness hell. When I discussed in Chapter 3, “Things We Don’t Want to Talk About,” the difficulties we have in our culture of discussing the issues of being overweight, I never imagined that we should enter into a state of mass denial. There is a running commentary throughout this book that being obese is a leading cause of numerous health problems. The documentation of that fact is clear. I don’t have to try to justify that—it is what it is. Accepting people, no matter what their size, is critically important. Accepting that people have their own body type and that there is not just one ideal body type is also important. However, there is a group that is trying to make the case that excess fat is not unhealthy. They are trying to say that being severely overweight is not a health issue, and that is wrong, unconscionably wrong. We have gone too far this time. I don’t want overweight people to feel bad about themselves, or to feel isolated, ashamed, or alone, but I also don’t want them to die prematurely, perhaps painfully, unnecessarily, as a result of being an unhealthful weight. Groups can try all they want to make fat socially acceptable and deny the realities of the health problems connected to obesity, but the truth is still the truth…we cannot change reality just because we want to be inclusive. Include all people and care about all people regardless of their size, work to change the stereotypes about obesity, but do not make false statements about the health problems attached to excess fat. That could result in even more pain, suffering, and death.
My purpose in writing this book is to help people like me, overweight people who struggle with emotional overeating, one step at a time, to see that it is possible to get to a healthier weight for their health’s sake. Covid-19 came gunning for the obese among us. I believe we are all equally valuable no matter our size; I want to help all people in any way I can to see the importance of being a healthy weight and reduce their risk of dying from Covid like so many have already. Go ahead and hate me if you must. Throw stones. I'm still big enough…you won’t miss me. You may also succeed in hurting my feelings and make me feel that I am possibly being uncaring or insensitive towards those who I probably relate to most in the world, but I am never going to sugarcoat my words or lie about an issue just to avoid the wrath of the self-deceived. Remember, Covid favors the thin. My doctor reluctantly told me so when I asked directly. People are between a rock and a hard place in knowing how to approach this issue: being excessively overweight is unhealthy, possibly deadly, but we don’t want to hurt people’s feelings and possibly make their condition worse. No matter how difficult the issue is to deal with effectively, pretending something isn't harmful is not the answer. Losing the excess weight is challenging but possible for most people; convincing people that excess fat is not unhealthy is impossible, dishonest, and detrimental to their health and well-being. I really hate being preachy! Please be kind.
* * *
Memory is fascinating. It is also one of the aspects of our lives that we often take for granted. We just expect it to function the way it should, whatever is normal for each of us. When we experience noticeable changes in our memory functions, we are sometimes at a place in life where we are unable to recollect enough to verbalize those changes. For me personally, I notice many of the changes in my memory post-Covid. I think I mentioned before that I am a movie buff. I experienced something last night that was truly bizarre. I watched the trailer of a film that I know I watched a couple years ago, and none of the scenes looked familiar at all. It was like I never saw the movie, yet I know I did. I have a few scattered memories of the plot, but the visual memories have been erased. My family remembers me watching it with them as well, so I am not just going by what I think I remember. Some aspects of my cognitive functions seem much closer to my pre-Covid days now, but some memories are altered, even obliterated. For me, this has been the most brutal aspect of long-Covid—the selective assassination of memories.
* * *
Baseball is one of the hardest games to play on a professional level, yet so simple it is played by kids across the country and in many places in the world. We call it our National Pastime, but it is more than that. Like Brad Pitt asked in the 2011 film Moneyball, “How can you not be romantic about baseball?” This week I watched the Chicago White Sox make a seven-year-old cancer patient’s special wish come true. They decked him out with all the cool official gear, including a tiny custom-made MLB White Sox jersey with his name on it. He went to the plate and “hit” his own homerun—the kid’s got a great swing I might add—with the players from the Baltimore Orioles and the White Sox giving him low five’s as he ran the bases! One of the players told the youngster that he also had cancer two years ago and now he is doing great and that he knows he will, too. They gave a check to his family to help with the expenses, which will help to reduce the stress level of this family. It was very touching. Impactful. Full of hope and optimism. Baseball can be so much more than a game when you need it to be. The film A League of Their Own told us "there's no crying in baseball"...don't you believe it.
Just this past weekend in Atlanta is proof enough. New Dodger first baseman Freddy Freeman shed quite a few tears upon his return to his former stomping grounds. You may remember me anxiously, repeatedly, checking my social media after the MLB lockout ended searching for any sign of a possible Dodgers-Freeman deal. I was overjoyed upon learning that he would be our new first baseman, but this was based on the idea that he may choose to be a Dodger over continuing to be a part of the current World Series winning team, the Atlanta Braves—which I considered to be a longshot. Since he is a California native there was a glimmer of hope. Because of a series of unfortunate events, the MLB lockout likely one of them, Freeman was not offered the right deal to stay with Atlanta. He wanted to remain with the Braves, but there may have been a problem with his representatives not really hearing what he wanted most. He had a very lucrative offer from the Dodgers, and we were fortunate to secure his talents and abilities. Now that the dust has settled, we all know that Freeman wanted to remain a part of the Atlanta organization. It is completely understandable; he was there for more than a dozen years. He was very emotional last weekend when the Dodgers played the Braves in Atlanta where he was awarded his Silver Slugger award and his 2021 World Series ring. It was difficult not to shed a tear or two for someone whose heart was visibly pained by the circumstances. He is a professional. He will go on. Overall, he has an amazing life, but his heart is in Atlanta, at least for now. I do not fault him at all for this. I feel confident that over time he will learn to love the Dodgers organization and will feel like he is an integral part of the team. There are a lot of great people on the Dodgers, and they will do whatever it takes to make him and his beautiful family feel welcome in Los Angeles. Freeman seems like the nicest guy in the world and fans will continue to embrace him with chants of Freddy, Freddy when he approaches the plate in clutch situations…I know I will.
* * *
My birthday is quickly approaching, and the special treat I planned on sharing with my family to commemorate the occasion, the decadent Chocolate Motherlode cake, isn’t seeming all that special to me anymore. In fact, the more I think about it, none of the celebratory sweets are important to me right now. I am on a roll and why should I jeopardize things now? Although I had planned on having a birthday treat, I think I am going to pass. At least this year. I no longer crave sweets—I don’t even think about them at all—so why have them? I am not suggesting everyone do this. My plan to have an occasional treat for holidays and special events to prevent any negative fallout was a decent one, I think, but not one I’m going to do this time around.
* * *
Last week I started taking an online course called Changing Body Composition through Diet and Exercise, and I am learning quite a lot. One thing I noticed is that I have been looking at health predominantly from the position of reducing the risk of diseases, and that is an important issue to consider, but I want to shift my focus a bit to thinking more about the positive aspects of optimal fitness. By performing major invasive surgery on my previous lifestyle, I significantly improved my health and reduced my risks of numerous diseases. I am on my way towards optimal fitness—that is the new goal.
Months ago I learned the importance of adequate protein in my diet and I make sure to consume a minimum average of twenty grams of protein at each meal, but there is so much more to it than that. As we age, we lose some of our muscle mass. This is unfortunate because muscle mass helps with our metabolism. We can prevent excessive muscle mass loss by increasing the protein we consume and by resistance training. This will help our metabolism which is vital to maintaining a healthy weight. I am going to try increasing my protein intake and see if that proves to be beneficial. I bought a whey protein powder to help me maintain my muscle mass while losing weight. I’ll keep you posted. Remember to discuss any dietary changes with your health care provider.
* * *
Today is my birthday and we celebrated by having a steak dinner with family, then we went to the movies. I got to wear my new size 14 jeans and regular XL sized top—this was a mini goal for me. We were masked and socially distanced and I’m not overly concerned. We are all Marvel fans, Thor being my favorite, so it was very kind of Disney to plan the release of Thor: Love and Thunder to coincide with my special day. The movie didn’t live up to the hype, but things seldom do. I’m glad I was brave enough to venture out among people again, and I don’t anticipate any problems from it. Hopefully it will be just the beginning of experiencing life up close and personal again…I’m ready for some more joy in my life.
* * *
Check-in 9
Today is July 10, 2022, and it is a beautiful day. I couldn’t wait to check-in this morning and am ecstatic to report that I lost over five pounds this past month. I am down a total of forty-five and a half pounds now! Hopefully next month will see me reach the halfway mark! Also, my pulse oxygenation level was at 99 percent this morning which just seemed to start the day off right! I am desperately trying to convey the hopefulness in my heart to all who could benefit from it. Creating change, while initially challenging, gets easier and easier, and now that significant, life-altering, positive changes have been achieved, I have a promising optimism for life that I trust will be contagious.
I struggled for years…decades even, but no more. I am at a place where eating the right foods for optimum health is not difficult anymore. In fact, it is so simple now. I can’t tell you how glad, no that’s not quite right, how overjoyed…still not enough…I can’t tell you how absolutely ELATED I feel now that I no longer feel embarrassed seeing other people and I don't have to wear plus size clothing anymore. I will never have to go to a special section of department stores to find clothes ever again! I feel such a huge difference about being around other people now, and about life in general. Carrying so much unhealthy weight brought me to a very low point in my life. I felt unattractive, incompetent, and just about worthless. I wasn’t incompetent or worthless, but I felt that way. I was in a lot of pain, and I don’t just mean physical pain. There was an emotional pain that I felt deep in my core, affecting my sense of self-worth. There is no doubt in my mind that I will achieve my weight loss goals and live the rest of my life the healthiest I possibly can, and that has already helped me feel a sense of accomplishment and deep satisfaction that is beyond what I could have wished for. I’m struggling for the words, but I think I am trying to say I feel happy.
Tenth Month
One of the major components of the healthy life plan is to move more. With the post exertional malaise I’ve experienced from long Covid, that has been the most challenging part for me to implement…and the most often unhappily ignored. My newfound happiness has contributed to my improved energy—although it could be the other way around—and today I was able to ride my stationary bicycle for thirty minutes! Not the two to five minutes I was barely able to occasionally put in, but an actual, meaningful, full thirty minutes! I am thrilled! This is such a huge step for me, and I am going to keep going forward from here! Life is good!!
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It’s not too early to start thinking about keeping the weight off. From what I am learning, it is vital to eat nutrient dense foods, have plenty of protein in the diet, never go hungry, keep moving more, and to do resistance exercises about three times per week. These are part of my forever plan. The forever plan is necessary to have ultimate health and wellness, and to never fall back into the same old patterns of poor nutrition, a sedentary lifestyle, ill health, and obesity.
I was able to use my exercise bike today for over thirty minutes for the third day in a row, and when I was done, I felt such positivity and joy that I wondered if I was experiencing a release of endorphins! It was a great feeling, whatever it was!
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When I woke up this morning, I really felt like I had lost more weight. I just felt smaller somehow, but when I weighed myself, I was the same as last week on my check-in day. Did I feel discouraged? Well, maybe the tiniest tad, but I remembered that I have been getting more exercise this week than I have in many years. Exercise helps us build lean muscle and muscle is more dense than fat. It stands to reason that I felt smaller, my pants fit looser, but the scale reads the same since fat takes up more space than muscle. Weight stayed the same, but I’m a bit smaller…I’ll take that!
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After working diligently over the past nine months to learn as much as I possibly could about nutrition, exercise, health, and wellbeing, I have arrived at a pattern of living that seems to be working well for me. In general, each day I eat about five to seven servings of vegetables, making sure to get a colorful, rich variety, about three servings of fruit with at least one being high in vitamin C, three servings of lean protein foods, making sure to get a minimum of sixty grams of protein each day, two servings of dairy, healthy fats like avocado and olive oil, and a couple servings of whole grain foods. In addition, I drink a minimum of eight glasses of water, sleep about seven to eight hours each night, manage my stress in a healthier way, and exercise for about forty to forty-five minutes daily. Wow! This is quite a turnaround from my former self, and I couldn’t be happier about it! I feel genuinely proud of myself…not in an arrogant, puffed-up way, but in a positive, amazed-that-I-could-do-it way. There are also a few things that I have eliminated from my life, and in all sincerity, I do not miss them at all. This includes soda, juice, sweets, cookies, ice cream, overly processed foods, television commercials, negativity, and whining. Life is beautiful.
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Sometimes I start to think I am almost over long Covid, but then I make a list of recurring symptoms and see that it is still hanging on, just in a less intrusive way. Some symptoms occur much less often now. I am learning to be grateful for the temporary reprieve. For me Covid-19 was life altering, but thankfully not life ending. Even with everything that I have to deal with, I am thankful for each day.
I have dear family members who have been hit with Covid this week, and I am trying to remain calm and not catastrophize the situation. Although some were hit pretty hard with symptoms, they all appear to be recovering quickly. They went twenty-eight months without becoming infected. Their doctor says everyone will eventually get it. I don’t know, but I hope not. The lingering effects from Covid can be quite severe and debilitating. They can cause serious breathing problems, organ damage, and wreak havoc in our lives. It will be many years, if not decades, before we truly understand the total costs of this pandemic. Will we learn anything from all of this? Doubtful. That may seem like a pretty pessimistic viewpoint, but I think I am just being realistic. Some people learn, some people don’t, and some appear to learn the wrong things.
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It appears to be official now…I have hit a weight-loss plateau. I weigh myself about once a week. For the last two weeks there has been no additional weight loss. It seems reasonable that part of this is due to the muscle vs fat density issue since I am now riding my exercise bicycle forty-five minutes per day, but maybe there is a bit more to it. Now may be a good time to gauge portion sizes a bit more carefully. Summer fruit has been available in abundance and my serving sizes have been extremely generous. It is possible that I have been consuming an additional couple hundred calories daily due to this generosity. I never want to go under 1200 calories per day to maintain a healthy, well-balanced diet, but I do want to stay close to that number to continue to lose the excess weight. The main thing is that I not feel discouraged. Weight loss plateaus happen to many people, especially those of us on such a long journey! My goals are reasonable, my plan is sound, but my implementation may be off a tad. Never will I ever give up or throw in the towel! Good health is everything! Before long I know I will be rewarded with seeing the numbers go down on the scale. For now, I will just have to be content knowing that I am wearing my size 14 jeans and NOT a size 20! Not where I want to be yet, but so far from where I began. If you hit a plateau on your weight loss journey, do not dismay. Stick to your plan. Eventually you will break through and see more weight loss. Never give up on yourself! You are worth it!
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It seems like every time I need a little inspiration or guidance, Tom Brady is there to help me out. He just Tweeted a photo of himself modeling his new swimwear line, joking about how well it will go over in the locker room…it’s going over well in my locker room. This photo could be refrigerator worthy for all! It, uh, helps everyone remember to stay hydrated, and to eat, uhm, an anti-inflammatory diet. Yeah, that’s it.
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My mother absolutely loves going to the county fair. We have been unable to go the last couple of years due to Covid, but we went this year for her birthday. We took it easy, walked slowly for my sake—my mom can run circles around me! And still, after just two hours I was completely done in. I wore my mask most of the time, taking it off only when we were very far from others. It was a beautiful, warm day, but quickly felt like an oven to me. I experienced some shortness of breath that required sitting down for a while quite a few times. It was challenging for me on several levels, but I did it. Who could have ever thought that eighteen months after getting out of the hospital I would still be struggling this much?! Next year I should be at my goal weight and hopefully have the lingering effects of Covid far behind me, and I will be able to enjoy a day at the fair along with the rest of my family. Goals!
The good news is that as I crawled along, I was never tempted to eat any of the foods that fairs are famous for. I went past corn dogs and pastrami bacon burgers and kettle corn, and didn’t look twice at the deep-fried Oreos, Twinkies, and Snickers bars. I wasn’t even tempted by the pizza, cotton candy, fried chicken in a waffle cone, or funnel cakes! Now part of this was due to the fact that I was overheated and didn’t want to eat anything, but that wouldn’t have stopped me in previous years! If I felt hungry, I planned that I might get a turkey leg or maybe the roasted corn on the cob, but I never felt hungry at all. It was a wonderful feeling to look at all those sugar-filled, deep-fried items and not desire them at all…not even a little bit! Huge change for me! I looked at all the signage promoting the items and thought no wonder obesity rates are staggering! It is so difficult for us to resist these addictive foods. Part of what helps me is that I view these unhealthy items as a part of my past, my sad past when I felt awful about myself. I know that I am a recovering sugar addict, and I don’t ever want to start down that path again.
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I am loving The Great Courses channel! My new favorite class is The Scientific Guide to Health and Happiness by Dr. Robin Miller. She explains a lot of the points that I have been discussing and things that I have found instrumental in my weight loss journey in such a clear way and sites the scientific evidence to support them. She also explained the medicinal benefits of different varieties of mushrooms. It sounds very promising, and I am going to look into it further. The more we know, the more we grow.
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Four months of soul-searching has resulted in Will Smith releasing a video apology for his actions at the Oscars last spring. His behavior that evening reflected the uneasy, anxious state of our nation in that he responded in a rash manner that far exceeded the situation. His temper exploded and he was unable to behave in an appropriate, rational manner. These types of behaviors appear to be more frequent since the pandemic began over two years ago. Not that I am blaming his short fuse and lack of self-control on Covid, but the unsettling changes and additional stresses that have rocked our world are far-reaching and our ability to cope with the unpleasant events in life is strained, sometimes past the breaking point.
After viewing his apology, which does appear to be sincerely heartfelt, I am relieved that I did not follow through on my initial plan to boycott all things Will Smith, but rather determined to try to understand and forgive and go forward. When he stated that he was trying to deal with all of this without feeling “like a piece of shit,” I thought, yeah, I’ve been there before. We’ve all done things we are not proud of, just usually not in front of billions of people! Each of us is flawed, and even if we manage to somehow conceal most of our imperfections and our failings from others, we still know the truth. In writing this book I have attempted to strip down to what I call the deep down uglies to figure out my responses to life. I see this apology from Will Smith as similar to that. Yes, it is largely damage control and true he was unable to admit that Chris Rock’s joke was innocuous, but he is trying to figure things out and make it right wherever possible. Unfortunately, keeping Rock on the hook as inciting his violent outburst still smells a lot like blaming the victim. Clearly the entire physical altercation was one hundred percent on Will Smith. Celebrities at the Academy Awards presentation know they may get a light roasting—this is just a part of the job. He does at least recognize that many people were injured that evening from his inappropriate violent response, has apologized, and appears to be learning something from the ordeal.
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I’m not sure if I hit a true weight loss plateau, but for more than two weeks my weight stayed about the same. More care was taken regarding portion sizes of fruit, but other than that, I just continued with my plan. Now this last week I have dropped another pound and a half. I am doubtful of making my halfway mark by my next check-in. When we lose weight, we unfortunately also lose some of our muscle mass. The muscle mass helps our metabolism which is a big contributor to our weight management. Stick with your plan and just ride it out. It won’t last forever.
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Check-in 10
Today is August 10, 2022, and it is already my tenth weigh-in! I have lost another two pounds, which may not be earth-shattering, but it's another two pounds that I won’t have to lug around with me anymore. I planned on being at my halfway point today, so there is some disappointment, but being forty-seven pounds lighter is cause for rejoicing! My old pattern of putting pressure on myself to lose weight on a schedule still tries to rear its ugly head now and then. I have to beat back the impulse and be satisfied with consistent, healthy weight loss. I admit that I thought about postponing my check-in for another two weeks to ensure that I would be at my goal this month, but fluctuation in weight loss is a normal thing and will likely happen to many of you as well. It’s okay. I can handle it and so can you. Now that I have a better understanding of why weight loss can appear to come to a standstill and that it is only temporary, I can adjust my goals accordingly. My goal is to continue to become a healthier person and to encourage each of you to do the same. A one-month loss of just two pounds is still an improvement and have you ever looked at a two-pound package of hamburger? It’s actually quite massive! So, yay for me! And yay for you as well for sticking to your healthy life plan! We’re going to make it this time!
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Eleventh Month
Addictions have been on my mind a lot recently. There are addictive things all around us, intriguing us, tempting us, captivating us, destroying us. From smoking to vaping to drinking alcohol to recreational drugs (and some prescription drugs as well) to consumption of food additives like sugar and caffeine, we are surrounded, outnumbered, and captured by the multibillion-dollar industries designed for just that purpose. They keep us addicted; we keep them rolling in the dough.
A former professor once explained that when it comes to addictions, the first time someone uses an addictive substance, it is all on them—one hundred percent on them. They made the choice, although there are instances of coercion or force, but most decide for themselves to smoke, drink, or in some way consume the substance for the first time. After that, there is an increased dependence due to the addictive qualities of the substance. Legislators create laws to protect children. You must be twenty-one to purchase smoking and vaping paraphernalia, and you must be twenty-one to purchase alcohol—at least where I live. Does that mean that at twenty-one an individual suddenly realizes the harmful effects of smoking and vaping and can withstand the pressure to succumb? Is a twenty-one-year-old able to ignore the societal pressures to consume a few drinks? The ads sure make it look like one big fun party, then again, they don’t show the head-in-the-toilet shots or the passed-out-on-the-lawn pics! Looking down the road and seeing the effects of a lifetime of smoking and excessive drinking is not enough of a deterrent for most young people. Many of us have seen the advertising campaigns targeted at preventing young people from experimenting with alcohol, drugs, and tobacco by showing excessively unattractive smokers and drinkers…not the best look—and of course, the infamous simplistic mostly ineffectual Just Say No campaign. Still, many of us look only at the immediate with no desire to think of the future. It won’t happen to me. I’m different. I’m a special snowflake.
It is also complicated by the idea some people have that since the government allows certain things, they can’t actually be that bad for us. Really? This idea that the government protects us is basically false. With enough pressure, some laws are created to attempt to protect the most vulnerable among us, our children, but in truth, we are largely on our own. We are supposed to be able to make our own decisions and select our own paths to follow, which, of course, we all want to do. The vast majority want autonomy. I don’t want any government telling me what I can or cannot do, for the most part. Personal freedoms must be a priority, a big goal. So, what can be done to maintain those freedoms but not create a monstrously unhealthy addicted population? Part of the answer could be to pass better laws regarding what is allowed to be in our food. Adding excessive sugars and caffeine, among other things, in the food supply is legal. Most people do not consider them all that harmful, if they think about it at all, or some believe that it is only the weak who cannot control themselves with food additives. Hmmm…not sure if that is true.
Once upon a time there was a man who created a new drink. People loved his creation, and it became very popular. This new drink was created by a pharmacist, and it contained cocaine. Yes, it is an old story that many of us are familiar with about the origin of Coca-Cola, but much has stayed the same—sugar and caffeine are also addictive drug-like substances, and the company fought the US government in court to keep the high levels of addicting caffeine. They eventually settled the case by voluntarily reducing the caffeine levels somewhat. The company also had a brilliant marketing and advertising strategy and to this day remain the most popular soft drink, raking in multi billions every year. And not just that company, but numerous, possibly most, others. Find a substance that is addicting and is still legal to add to food and beverages, and voila! You’re on your way to being exceedingly wealthy. This is obviously not my point! Do not do that! Destroying the health of others is not and should never be the goal! How to fight this battle on more than just a personal level is unclear to me. Sugar and caffeine are so acceptable by the majority of people and while some may agree that they are harmful in excessive amounts, they aren’t too concerned with “a little bit.” There is no such thing as a little bit anymore. So many of our foods contain exceptionally large amounts of sugar. According to the University of California San Francisco, it’s in 74% of prepackaged foods! Start being a label reader and see for yourself.
William Shakespeare wrote that a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet, and that apparently goes for sugar, too. A sweetener by any other name can perhaps fool the people and taste just as enticingly sweet—and addictive! Remember, sugar has many names, more than sixty of them! Some of the ones frequently added to our food supplies are sucrose, high-fructose corn syrup, dextrose, barley malt, rice syrup, maltose, and numerous others. Read this article for more information on this important issue: https://sugarscience.ucsf.edu/hidden-in-plain-sight/#.YwPFV3bMKUk. This is an issue I am very passionate about. Excessive amounts of sugars lead to obesity which ultimately leads to a higher risk of premature death. Our children copy what they see us do, and for most of us, that’s very unfortunate. I tried so hard to give my kids healthy foods and limit sugars and other food additives, but that was not enough. I thought I was doing a good job by not buying a lot of the prepackaged cereals and snack foods targeted at kids, but I didn’t know enough and was unable to prepare my kids for the onslaught of sugar-laden foods. Baking cookies with your kids is such a fun thing to do, and it seems so normal. Who doesn’t enjoy coming home on a cool fall day to the smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies wafting through the house? It feels so homey and comforting. There are other options! We can still have the family baking fun, the delicious aroma of baked goods, and tasty snacks to eat, but we need new recipes! As parents, there is nothing more important than teaching our kids how to make healthy choices in life, and this includes the foods they eat. Teach kids to be label readers, too! Remember, the more we know, the healthier we grow!
Having healthy foods in the home and educating our loved ones about nutrition is one of the most important things we can do for their futures. We cannot absolutely prevent the obesity epidemic from affecting our family members, but we can do more to educate and prepare them, to give them a fighting chance in this sugar-craving, caffeinated, fast-food obsessed country of ours.
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If anyone would have told me a year ago that I would be eating oatmeal without brown sugar or maple syrup…or any sugar, really, I would have thought they lost their minds! Plain oatmeal? Yuk! But it has become a new staple, and a new favorite, for me for breakfast. Since I do not eat added sugars anymore, the natural flavors of foods are so much more enjoyable. It’s like the sugars I consumed in mass quantities deadened my tastebuds to many flavors, leaving me mostly craving more and more sweets. Now I enjoy my oatmeal with a few unsweetened raisins sprinkled in and have recently started to add a tablespoonful of flaxseed meal just for the health of it. Love, love, loving it! So simple to prepare and so full of good nutrition! And as an added bonus, it is also very economical…it’s a win-win-win.
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It’s funny to think that when I first started my healthy life journey, I was eating my miracle B, microwavable bacon, nearly every day of the week! I knew it was not the nutrient dense food of my dreams, but it is impossible to start a new dietary program and think you are going to be able to instantly change all poor eating habits. Before too long I weaned myself off bacon and other processed meats. The takeaway from this is that it is important to just start where you’re at, make changes and adjustments as you are able, learn all that you can about nutrition, and the rest will follow. I now eat a very healthy nutrient dense anti-inflammatory diet with minimal processed foods. I still use mustard and salad dressing, for example, and Icelandic yogurts, but not much else. By the way, Icelandic Provisions or Siggy’s Skyr are lower in sugar and are a great source of protein and probiotics, and I now prefer them to the yogurts I was having before. Fresh is best is my new mantra, but there are a few things I am not making…at least not yet.
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The last week has been physically challenging for me. The post exertional malaise has increased again, and I am struggling to get much movement in my life. I think it gets worse with an increase in stress levels and anxiety, but this is not a scientific certainty, just anecdotal based on my experiences. This has happened several times over the past year, and I am going to try to relax and work my way through the concerns. I feel fairly confident that it will improve shortly…a few steps forward, and a couple steps back…that has been the pattern thus far. Generally, walks of more than five minutes cause shortness of breath, elevation changes bring on a bit of dizziness, and my memory is still not what it was pre Covid. It is a good thing that I am such a patient person, otherwise, who knows where I'd be. Protect yourself and others whenever necessary from Covid, but learn how to manage life with its presence. I no longer feel unreasonably fearful of Covid, but I am very respectful of it and do all that I can to prevent the spread to myself or my family. I don’t venture out too often, and when I do, I am masked…cautiously moving on with life.
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I finally was able to go sailing with my family today. My daughter is a sailing instructor, and she has been trying to get me to go out on a boat with her for months. It was exhilarating! The wind was blowing at about twelve knots which means we were sailing along at a pretty brisk pace. Even our adorable labradoodle, Bailey, joined us for the excursion. Don’t worry, she was also wearing a life jacket! Have you ever seen a dog with its face out of a car window, ears flapping in the breeze? Well, that is how it was for our sweet Bailey. She grinned from ear to ear as the wind swept us along. I never would have done this fifty pounds ago. I was too concerned with injury and embarrassment, but I am so glad I let them talk me into it today. My kids are very protective of me now. It is sad how Covid made our roles reverse quite a bit. Sometimes I am content to stay in my shell, but it is good for me to get out and enjoy life. My daughter is highly skilled, and I am so thankful I got to see her in action for myself.
Check-in 11: Today is September 10, 2022, and I am happy to announce that I am now at the halfway point to my goal weight! I have lost another three pounds, for a total loss of fifty pounds, two ounces! I can’t even bear to think of where I would be today if I wouldn’t have happened to see the amazing Mike, that young man on YouTube I wrote about, so many months ago. His two hundred forty-five-pound weight loss was so inspirational to me and got the wheels spinning and the ball rolling. Speaking of getting the ball rolling, I have gone bowling a few times, and while bowling balls are not particularly heavy—I think I always selected a ball that weighed about ten pounds—their weight is noticeable. It would be very tiring to have to carry a bowling ball around with me everywhere I went. While one ball is not too heavy, it may become so as the day wears on. But what if I had to cart around two balls with me? Walk to the mailbox carrying two bowling balls, up the stairs, in the mall, on the hiking trail…what if I had to carry three balls, or even four? To put this in perspective, I have lost the equivalent of carrying FIVE bowling balls around with me everywhere I go! I am feeling pretty proud of myself for this.
Other people also have weight loss goals. I stumbled upon one today that made me laugh; it said their halfway point weight loss goal was to have “boobs that stick out further than their stomach!” A lofty goal indeed. Well, I’ve made it to my halfway mark, and it’s all downhill from here. I am going to lose the remaining five bowling balls in much the same manner as I lost the first five…slowly, purposefully, and deliberately, while increasing health, activity, and happiness. I may throw a few gutter balls now and then, but I am looking for a strike…or at least a spare. I know I’ll make it, and you can, too!
So just what does a fifty-pound weight loss look like? As much as it pains me to do this, I am going to post the Before My Healthy Life Plan, Halfway to Goal, and After photos of my journey. My commitment level is through the roof!! Before starting my journey on the Healthy Life Plan, I only viewed myself from the front…and even that was done with one eye closed! When I saw the photos from the rear view, I just about died! I don’t know what I thought was going on back there, but it certainly wasn’t THIS! These photos provided a much-needed reality check for me, and while I still view them now with shock and horror, they were my reality back then. Thankfully I have created healthy change and am determined to continue until I reach my goals. Obviously I am no photographer; these are the best I have. The Before photos are me wearing size 20 pants and 2X plus size top. The Halfway to Goal are me wearing size 14 jeans and regular size large top. And months down the line I will be posting the After photos when I reach my goal weight! It's gonna happen y’all! Please take encouragement in knowing that if I can do this, you can do it, too! There is no time limit on becoming your healthiest self, you just need to start doing it, one step at a time. Be encouraged!!
*Due to technical difficulties, photos are posted on Home page.
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